Randomness Takes Over Sodor
by blaziee
Summary: Where Thomas and his friends have lost all sense of sanity.
1. The Beginning

Thomas was with his friends at Knapford Station. He was bored of doing the same boring things, going to the same boring places, and doing the same boring work.

"Why do we have such unlimited freedom?" Thomas asked everyone else.

"Maybe because we run on tracks?" James suggested flatly.

"Then we can _not_ run on tracks. That would sure be fun to attempt!" Percy peeped excitedly.

"Technically, that's impossible unless you like derailing and staying derailed." Gordon grumbled.

Thomas sighed exasperatedly. "I mean, why do we do the same boring work every day when we could be doing so much more? We need to somehow spice up our lives!" he said determinedly.

The engines just blinked at him.

"Whelp, good luck with that." Henry said as he went away to go do whatever he needed to do.

The other engines followed, all departing the station. Thomas was left alone thinking about his idea.

"I got it!" he exclaimed after half an hour. "I can just convince Sir Topham Hatt to order that special type of coal from Alaska that I heard of from the newspaper that can make us all go crazy!"

Thomas waited for him to come, and then Sir Topham Hatt teleported over, munching on a cupcake.

"Sir! I have an great idea! Can you guess what it is?!" Thomas shouted at him.

"What? Raise my payment bill? Because that would be great." Sir Topham Hatt replied irritably, taking another bite of his cupcake.

"No! You want us to go faster and bring you twice as much food, right?" Thomas told him.

"Food?" Sir Topham Hatt immediately perked up at the thought of food. "_Yes!"_

"Okay. I heard of this special coal from Alaska, it makes engines go twice as fast, and twice as strong! We can bring you so much more food! Pleeeeeease?" Thomas begged, hoping that his lie would work.

"There's coal in Alaska? Oh whatever, I'm so ordering this coal! I want more food! Great idea, Thomas! Thanks!" Sir Topham Hatt rushed over to the telephone to order the coal.

Thomas smirked, letting out a mischevious giggle.

In a matter of two hours, the coal arrived and Sir Topham Hatt made sure that all the coal hoppers were replaced with the new special Alaskan coal. Thomas was satisfied that his plan had worked.

And so the craziness started!


	2. The Start of Weirdness

Thomas chuffed up to Tidmouth Sheds the next morning. "GET UP, MY STEAMIES!" he yelled. His friends stared at him.

"And listen up cuz' I have a lot of important things to say!" Thomas added.

"Fizzling fireboxes! That's...interesting?" Percy replied, confused.

"Wait, no, never mind. Race you all to Knapford Station!" said Thomas, getting a head start.

So all the engines raced to Knapford Station at 5,000 miles per hour, somehow fitting into all the tracks and running over many pigs on the way.

"I WIN! BECAUSE I AM THE FASTEST!" Gordon announced happily.

"NO ONE CARES!" Edward screamed back.

"I LOVE PIE!" Percy shouted.

"Oh god. We're all crazy." Henry backed away and then collided with random trucks filled with fish. "It's the Flying Kipper accident all over again! EEK!" Henry fled.

Then Fatty walked onto the platform, eating a pen and dollar. "Hey engines! You're all supposed to be doing jobs, not standing here being useless! Whatever happened to the 'really useful engines' title?!" he yelled.

"Fine. GO TO WORK, FELLOW STEAM LOCOMOTIVES!" Thomas screamed.

"What's a locomotive?" Toby asked stupidly.

* * *

"TO WELLSWORTH STATION, HERE I COME!" James was arriving at Wellsworth at full speed. He slammed his brakes on, and as he stopped his coaches banged into each other.

"Oops," he said quietly as his passengers got out of the coaches started yelling at the stationmaster and one passenger was just yelling his head off for no apparent reason.

Gordon puffed over. "Oh Jamie, your poor passengers! You should not stop so suddenly!" he laughed.

James glanced ahead of him and put on a smug expression. "At least my passengers can step onto the platform, Gordon." he smirked.

Gordon then realized that he had stopped to far from the station. "Oh, the indignity!" he exclaimed.

James laughed. Then he paused. "Wait. Did you just call me Jamie?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?" Gordon replied.

"Yes! I'm not a girl!" James yelled, glaring at him.

"I know. But that's your new name. Bye!" Gordon blew his whistle and raced away...forgetting that he hadn't even stopped to let his passengers depart.

* * *

"YEAH PLAYERS GONNA PLAY, PLAY, PLAY! HATERS GONNA HATE, HATE, HATE! SHAKE IT OFF! SHAKE IT OFF!" Percy sang loudly at the Shunting Yards which was decorated with balloons.

"SHUT UP!" Stanley screamed as it rained silver items.

Percy gasped "You finally spoke! After years and years of just being a cameo engine, you talked!"

Stanley wasn't amused, and put on a 'Stanley-is-not-amused face'. "Yeah. So what? I'm going back to shunting boring trucks." he said boringly, and boringly went off to boringly shunt boring trucks.

"Geez, grumpy much?" Percy muttered, and then began singing again "MY ANACONDA DON'T, MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT-"

Skarloey fell down from the sky and crashed into Percy. "Don't sing such a inappropriate song! Think of the poor children!" he shouted. Then Skarloey's driver stuffed a bar of soap in Percy's mouth.

"Skarloey, you just broke the fourth wall!" Rheneas said, rolling his eyes.

Percy spit out the soap. He paused. "Now my mouth feels too clean to sing such a inappropriate song. Thanks!"

"Wait. Where did you get soap?" Rheneas questioned, raising an eyebrow at Skarloey.

"I don't know! The soap store?!" Skarloey responded, rolling his eyes.

Rheneas looked confused and blinked. "There's a soap store on Sodor?"

"You should know that. You've lived on this island for over 150 years." Skarloey said annoyingly, blowing steam everywhere.

Then a hobo came out and started dancing. Then Charlie told him a joke and the hobo was taken off by an eagle.

* * *

"WHEEEEEEE!" Thomas sped down Gordon's Hill with a load of ice cream as if he had drunk 6,000 gallons of coffee.

The ice cream spilled all over the tracks, and Gordon was coming with the express (for some reason, the engines still do their jobs even thought they've gone crazy).

"Express coming through!" he called, blowing his whistle. Then he slipped on the ice cream covered rails and crashed into a tree. "CURSE YOU, THOMAS!" Gordon yelled.

Thomas laughed manically "BUT I STILL LIKE CINNAMON BUNS!"

Paxton oiled up (is that even possible?). "What's a cinnamon bun?" he asked.

Thomas replied "A bread roll filled with awesomeness!"

Paxton somehow turned around on the tracks and raced away screaming.

Then Thomas teleported over to some random station on Sodor by the name Maron Station.

James and Duck were there. Duck was quacking like a duck while James was being attacked by a flock of 1 million birds.

"Ugh, get these pests off of me! They're going to spoil my paintwork!" James whined, blowing his whistle in attempt to scare the birds. That didn't work, so then he blasted steam everywhere, which only got his driver and fireman soaked.

Thomas snickered. Duck's driver then decided to use the fireman as a piñata. A stuffed pigeon fell to the ground.

Duck finally stopped quacking and asked, "Hey Jamie, do you want to have one of those sheds I have for sale?"

"Did you just call me _Jamie_?! It's JAMES!" the red engine screamed in annoyance.

"Whatever. Now give me your money." Duck quacked.

"I don't get why you need all that money. I'm sure a tank engine's salary is pretty good." James replied, still letting off steam everywhere.

Duck looked at him in shock. "Are you kidding? C'mon, a mixed-traffic engine's salary is even better! I'm just a tank engine from the Great Western Line! Speaking of which, there are two ways of doing things, the Great Western way, and-"

Thomas hated that line with passion, so he went away and accidentally ran over a clown.

Oliver overheard what Duck was saying. "Not again! We get it, you're obsessed with your Great Western origins!" Oliver shouted at him.

Duck just stared at him before repeating, "There are two ways of doing things, Oliver, the Great Western way, and the wrong way."

"I KNOW, I KNOW! JUST STOP!" Oliver screamed annoyingly, while James looked on very confused.

"There are two ways of doing things, Oliver, the-"

"AAAAAAAGHH!" Oliver did a slo-mo scream and then exploded as Duck kept repeating that line over and over like a broken tape recorder. How strange.

Then the Mr. Conductor guy appeared and yelled, "SPARKLE SPARKLE SPARKLE!"

* * *

**Like it? :P Please R&amp;R! :)**


	3. Halloween the (Kinda) Musical

"IT'S HALLOWEEN, STEAMIES! WE MUST CELEBRATE!" Thomas announced loudly at the Steamworks where everyone was standing there doing nothing.

"And I get to sing my favorite song! LET IT GO, LET IT GOOO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!" Thomas half-sang half-screamed irrelevantly.

"Honestly, Thomas, Frozen came about almost a year ago! And what does that have to do with Halloween?!" Diesel muttered.

"Nothing. That's the point. Plus I don't think he really cares." Toby whispered back.

"Dang, you sing _loud!"_ 'Arry exclaimed.

"And terrible! My ears are bleeding!" a random little boy dressed as Spider Man added.

Thomas looked offended. But then he smiled and asked sweetly, "Wanna hear some more?"

"NOOO!" they all screamed.

Thomas ignored them. "HERE I STAND, IN THE LIGHT OF DAAAAY, LET THE STORM RAGE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Thomas hit the last note so loud and horribly all the windows and items made out of glass on Sodor shattered everywhere.

"Now that's a coloratura." Gordon said nonchalantly.

"I can't hear anything!" Duck peeped.

"What?" Toby questioned.

"What?" Duck replied.

"What?"

"Wut?"

"WHAAAAT?!"

This went on for quite a while...

"It's so sad! We can't get into costumes for Halloween!" Porter broke into hysterics.

"Well...the kids are going trick or treating! Let's go scare them! Who's with me?!" Percy said, grinning and glancing around at everyone.

"MEEEEE!" James replied, falling from the sky and landing in front of Percy. He attempted to laugh evilly. "I'll hide and use my whistle to scare them!" he added mischievously.

"Okay. Quick, there's some trucks full of flour near the Shunting Yards. So we can go crash into them and then look like ghosts!" Percy suggested.

James wheeshed steam everywhere in horror. "And ruin my lovely paintwork?! _No way!"_ he yelped.

Thomas rolled his eyes. "What else did you expect?" he muttered under his breath.

Gordon put on a boring expression "I'll stay here. I don't like Halloween. Too many roaming kids in creepy costumes." he yawned, and went back into the Steamworks.

"I would go, but I've been dying to see what Fatty has dressed up as, and he's coming soon. He told us he would be something 'very' scary, though I highly doubt it." Thomas told Percy.

"That's fine. C'mon Jamie, we got some scaring to do!" Percy backed away and headed towards a random neighborhood with tracks. James followed him.

Diesel 10 dieseled over and cheerfully said, "Sup, steamies! Let's go trick or treating!"

"Cinders and ashes! Diesel 10's being nice! I think he wants to spread peace! _Run, friends, run!_" Toby fled, leaving a very confused Diesel 10.

"Um...anyone wanna have a singing contest in honor of this occasion?" Diesel 10 said quietly.

"OK!" Edward yelled, and started singing. "CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER, THRILLER NIGHT! AND NO ONE'S GONNA SAVE YOU FROM THE BEAST ABOUT TO STRIKE!" he yelled loudly.

Diesel 10 face-clawed.

"EEK! OLD SONG!" Scruff screamed from just getting out of the Steamworks. His dial thingy cracked.

"Alright my archenemy, since we already put our deep hatred aside because we've gone crazy, what songs would you like to sing then?" Thomas asked.

Diesel 10 thought for a moment. Then he crashed his claw and said, "Pinchy says he likes songs in different languages"

"_Pinchy_ said that?" Emily echoed.

"Yup. So sing songs in different languages!" Diesel 10 exclaimed impatiently.

"Well...you can get Victor to sing in Spanish or something...or Millie..." Henry said, then he got an idea. "Or _I_ can sing!"

"WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO RUUUDE?" he began shouting. Diesel 10 stuffed logs in his mouth to shut him up.

Then a bunch of kids waiting for candy from the workmen screamed and ran away since they saw Diesel's face.

"THIS ISN'T A WAY TO CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN!" Thomas screeched. But no one listened.

All except Charlie, who answered back, "Then let's go get a Christmas tree and put some presents under it! It's Christmas after all, right?"

Thomas somehow face-palmed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Percy and James were sneaking up on some children at the Town Hall. The children were paying too much attention to their candy and costumes to realize the two engines.

They had also already scared Mr. Bubbles by almost crashing into his Halloween supplies, almost scared the life out of Mrs. Kindley by blasting their whistles at her, not to mention attempted to go trick-or-treating and ask Mr. Percival for some candy.

Percy and James were still hiding behind some trucks of coal, when Percy whispered "Okay, when I say go, you...um...just somehow switch sidings and scare them, alright?"

"Got it!" James responded.

So Percy moved in closer. "...GO!"

"WE'RE THE PHANTOM EXPRESS!" Percy shouted in a deep voice as he moved forward sharply with James following behind him and just blowing his whistle as loud as he could.

"AAH!" The children jumped in surprise and spun around. One little girl dressed up as Elsa had silly string and then sprayed it all over James and threw jolly ranchers at him.

"EWW!" James yelled, disgusted.

"IT'S THE PHANTOM!" Then another boy dumped a bucket of pixie sticks on Percy.

"Chill peeps! We were just trying to have some fun!" Percy shrieked as he got pummeled with candy corn. The children stopped and smirked at them.

"Oh, we know that. We just wanted to have some fun, too." the little boy sneered and he and the other kids walked away.

Percy frowned "Hmm...well, we didn't seem to scare them as much as we did to the others. Have any ideas, Jamie?" he asked.

"We could get Emily into this...I'm sure she'll like it!" he said thoughtfully.

Percy rolled his eyes. "This is not the time to go dreaming about your crush! We've got work to do!" Percy then started thinking of an idea. After five minutes of just standing there, the little green tank engine got that idea.

"Let's start singing a random song at Knapford Station and see what happens!" Percy told James.

"And that's scaring people? On _Halloween?"_ James said flatly.

"Well...not exactly. Let's just go try it out, then we can go back to scaring." Percy responded matter-of-factly.

"Oh god...this isn't going to end well," James muttered.

"Shush! DON'T JINX IT!" Percy screeched.

Then the Town Hall imploded.

* * *

"BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM! I KNOW YOU WANT IT! WAIT FOR ME, LEMME TAKE YOU DOWN! WAIT FOR ME TILL YA OOOOH YEAH!"

Percy raced through Knapford Station with James and Thomas, who had teleported over. Families looked at the three engines as if they had gone crazy. Which, in some way, they had.

"Bust my buffers...this isn't scaring people! But oh well." James said, deciding it was best not to question Thomas.

Fatty was also at Knapford. He was dressed as Santa Claus. Fatty gasped. "First I get the holiday wrong, and now my engines are singing random songs with inappropriate meanings when it's Halloween?! WHY?!" he screamed to the sky.

An old lady glanced at him awkwardly and backed away from him before she fell off the platform. Pumpkins then stated raining down and smashing all over the ground. Kids started shrieking and running around and dropping their candy.

"At least Fatty can't blame us anymore for covering the tracks with squished pumpkin mush." Bill muttered to Ben.


	4. Parties and Blue Songs

Duncan and the other narrow-gauge engines were working at the Blue Mountain Quarry. Most of the engines were either talking about Instagram, Miley Cyrus, or Five Night's At Freddy's.

"I'm grumpy." Duncan grumbled to Sir Handel, who was floating on a magical pink cloud.

"You know, you're not you when you're hungry. Have a Snickers." Sir Handel said cheerfully, and his driver held out a Snickers.

"AAAH I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUT BUTTER!" Duncan ran away and crashed into Luke.

"Whoa. What's all the screaming?" Luke asked.

"SIR HANDEL IS TRYING TO POISON ME!" Duncan screamed in his face.

"Oh. That's a shame. Then have a Klondike bar." Luke's fireman held out a Klondike bar.

"NO! I'M ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE AND WHITE STUFF!" Duncan fled and chuffed over to Skarloey and Rheneas.

"Sir Handel and Luke just tried to poison me! HELP!" Duncan burst into tears.

Skarloey and Rheneas glanced at each other in confusion.

"Well that's a bit OOC, don't you think? Did Mr. Percival say you had to be over-sensitive to get a new coat of paint and not be grumpy again?" Skarloey told him.

Rheneas rolled his eyes. "Well_ duh_, we're all out of character now. You're the only one who still has some sanity left," he said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I _have_ to be sane. I'm still supposed to be the wise and respected leader here while everyone else has lost their sanity!" Skarloey exclaimed.

"That's dumb. Loosen up and act like...the childish ding-dong you were in Season 10 and 11."

"No! That was a nightmare. I mean, going down high mountains at full speed in a race? Not to mention I was afraid of thunderstorms!"

"Yup. Act like that. Except you might wanna scratch out the astraphobia part," Rheneas replied.

Skarloey thought for a moment "Hmm...NO!"

He went over to some trucks made out of waffles. "Wait a minute. This isn't sane. I'm pulling trucks made out of waffles that don't even belong here!" he said despairingly.

Skarloey uncoupled from the trucks and puffed away to find some trucks full and made out of normal stuff.

Peter Sam sighed exasperatedly. "He'll never learn. But I await the day he loses his mind. Right, Rheneas?"

But Rheneas had already started racing down Owen's incline. "I LOVE PICKLES AND ICE CREAM COMBINED!" he shouted happily.

* * *

Timothy and Victor were chatting about oil and stuff. Gordon and Edward were talking about GTA. Then Rosie chuffed up.

"GATHER ROUND! I HAVE A SONG TO SING!" she yelled cheerfully.

Edward gasped. Gordon just stood there.

Victor stared at her. "Oh god. I think I'm gonna need earplugs." he mumbled.

"Oooh, yay, a song!" Timothy shouted happily.

"Anyways..." Rosie's driver took out a banjo and started playing. "This is a blue's song I wrote, by the way." Rosie added, and began singing.

"I'm all alone, because my best friend got eaten by an elephant .."

"I did not." Emily said quietly.

"Cinders and ashes." Gordon muttered.

"Thomas got pushed off a cliff by Gordon, and James got hit by a giant car..."

"Oh geez." Edward backed away.

"And Edward fell into a pool and got eaten by a whale. And I'm sort of not really alone, because I still have the other engines to keep me company! Yaaaaay!"

No engine applauded and they just started at her. Mostly because they couldn't and didn't want to.

"Well? Whatcha think?" Rosie asked, smiling.

"Apparently I got pushed of a cliff..." Thomas said awkwardly.

"And that I pushed him off!" hissed Gordon.

"And that I got hit by a giant car..." James added.

"Plus I got eaten by a whale!" Edward yelled.

"But it didn't happen..._yet._" Rosie smirked.

Thomas went up to her. "Don't worry, it was still a very good and interesting song." he reassured her, though he added quietly to himself, "Dear god help me."

"Interesting indeed..." Edward added in a very scared tone, shuddering.

* * *

Diesel and Paxton were at Brendam Docks and talking about potatoes.

"A POTATO FLEW AROUND MY ROOM BEFORE YOU CAME!" Paxton screamed randomly.

Diesel put on a confused face. "You have a room?" he questioned.

"I CAN'T STOP!" James then came racing down at full speed and smashed into some tar wagons and 'I Can't Stop' by Flux Pavilion started playing.

"Uh oh. Jimmy won't like that." Douglas whispered to Donald, who agreed.

Now Diesel was even more confused than the time the trucks pushed him into the turntable face-first and he somehow landed back-first.

Marion went up to him and put her shovel up to his face. "GUESS WHAT'S IN IT!" she demanded sharply.

"Your mom?" Diesel answered unenthusiastically.

"NO! It's Sir Robert Norway!" Marion shouted, and showed Diesel what was in her shovel. It was a miniature Sir Robert Norway, AKA Robert now. He waved and smiled.

"Hello Diseasel! This is fun and I'm absolutely _not_ worried!" Robert greeted in a care-free and happy tone.

Diesel just turned around and fled to the Dieselworks.

At the Dieselworks, a party was taking place with the steamies for no apparent reason. The whole place was decorated with balloons and party stuff.

"Hi Diesel! Welcome to the fiesta!" Diesel 10 said cheerfully. Diesel just went into the works with no emotion.

"Gee, such a party killer," Diesel 10 muttered, and then smiled and looked at his hydraulic claw.

"But I still have you, don't I, Pinchy?" Diesel 10 crooned to Pinchy as if it was a dog. Pinchy said nothing, of course.

Meanwhile, Thomas and Den were attempting to do the cinnamon challenge. Then Gordon steamed up.

"Hey Tom Tom, guess what?" the big blue engine asked.

Thomas narrowed his eyes "Did you just call me _Tom Tom?_ Well, I guess I'll start calling you _Gordy._"

"But that's a stupid nickname!" Gordon protested.

"Too bad. Deal with it." Thomas stuck out his tongue.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"DIE!"

"What?"

The Dieselworks exploded.

The engines and diesels emerged from the ashes. "Such a party-ruiner! The poor Dieselworks!" Diesel 10 exclaimed.


	5. Plagiarism and Mints

"Hey Harvey!" Toby yelled as he chuffed up to him. Harvey was unloading some crates of squirrels and stuffed pigeons.

"Um...hi?" he replied, confused.

"Why is your face so huge? Are you like a chipmunk, and stuff nuts in your mouth?" Toby asked, snickering.

"YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Offended, Harvey raced away and knocked down over 1,000 signals in the process cause he forgot to secure his hook. The next thing that was heard was a lot of smashing and crashing noises.

Toby winced. "That doesn't sound good. Oh well!" he started to puff away when Millie came by and shouted,

"Toby! Go do something useful! Go break BoCo out of his storage box or whatever, but just do **SOMETHING!**"

"Chill, girl! Wait...actually, that would be fun! Thanks for the idea, Millie!" said Toby cheerfully, leaving a very confused Millie.

* * *

Winston the car thingy was giving Fatty a lecture about math in some school that the kids go to. But he had kicked out all the children and teachers so one of the math rooms could be empty and available.

"WHAT'S NINE PLUS TEN?!" Winston demanded, and one of Fatty's security guards pointed to the question written on the board.

"Um...21?" Fatty replied uncertainly, shifting in his small seat. The seat then gave away and broke.

Winston sighed. "No wonder you can't even drive a car properly."

* * *

"HEY ENGINES! I SUCCESSFULLY BROKE BOCO OUT OF HIS STORAGE BOX!" Toby announced on a loud speaker.

"I haven't been on the show for over 10 years!" BoCo said shockingly, shattering the fourth wall. Okay, maybe not.

"OH MY SODOR MY OLD FRIEND IS BACK!" Edward did some kind of happy dance that consisted of going forward and back over and over again.

"Hey! Rock N' Roll is my thing! PLAGIARISM!" Duncan screamed, and his army of police officers appeared. One police officer held out a notebook and chewed on the pen.

"Edward, you have committed the crime of-" the police officer was cut off as his phone rang. He picked it up and listened closely. He then gasped and hung up. "HARVEY HAS KNOCKED DOWN OVER 1,000 SIGNALS!"

"What?! I must report there at once! To the accident scenes!" Duncan raced away faster than the speed of light, accidentally running over one police officer and leaving behind all the other police officers.

"It isn't even possible to travel faster than the speed of light," Edward mumbled, then he turned to BoCo, who was very confused indeed.

"What happened to this island for the 15 years I have been _cruelly_ shoved into a storage box with a bunch of other engines?!" BoCo asked.

"Long story short, Thomas went crazy after taking on some new coal Fatty ordered. And as soon as the rest of us took on the coal, bye-bye went sanity." Edward explained.

"Oh...okay." BoCo paused, then screamed happily, "FINALLY, SOME FUN IN MY LIFE!"

* * *

James was on top of a giant king throne slurping down 3,000 tubes of very minty toothpaste. He also had a whole truckload of mints and gum next to him.

Gordon was coming around the line at full speed listening to 5 Seconds of Summer and wasn't paying attention.

"EEK!" He then crashed into the truckload of mints, coming off the rails. Mints and gum packets flew everywhere, and the large truck proceeded to explode.

"MY MINTIES! **NOOOOOOOO!"** James broke into hysterics.

"Whoa. I think you have might have an unhealthy obsession with mints, little James!" Gordon said, shocked at all the mints and toothpaste that had been there before the truck blew up. And he was also annoyed that he couldn't move since he derailed.

"BUT I LOVE MINTS AND MINTY STUFF! They're so good! Especially this brand of toothpaste!" James protested as soon as he finished crying and had finished another tube of toothpaste.

Gordon gagged and made a disturbed face. "WHO EATS TOOTHPASTE?! That's disgusting! Plus, isn't the mint toothpaste like poison if you swallow it? Let alone, eat it!" the blue tender engine yelled.

"But we only have human faces, duuh. So it's impossible for me to get sick by eating this toothpaste." James said matter-of-factly.

"Does that mean I can have an obsession with cookies like Fatty?" Gordon asked, putting on big puppy eyes.

"Why are you asking me? Go for it if you want to. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy _another_ truckload of mints." James replied, and his driver whipped out a cellphone and dialed a number.

"YES! COOOKIES!" Gordon shouted happily, forgetting the fire and ashes of the truck in front of him. Then cookies started raining from the sky, and a big throne made of cookies appeared out of nowhere.

* * *

"HOLY PANCAKES IT'S RAINING COOKIES!" Fatty dragged up a giant bucket to collect the cookies.

"Well this is irrelevant." Reg said, who was dressed in an old-fashioned king's robe and a crown.

"HEY! I'M FROM AMERICA! AND IN AMERICA, WE HAVE DEMOCRACY! GET OUT OF THAT MONARCHY OUTFIT!" Connor screamed hysterically.

"Well, _ahem_, The Railways Series and Sodor is originated from England, because it's originally a British show!" Oliver said.

"What's The Railway Series?" Percy asked, pretending to sound dumb.

"The book we originated from, that then started the television series" Oliver replied smartly.

"I'm not even gonna ask." Percy said quietly.


	6. A Very Strange Thanksgiving

"IT'S THANKSGIVING!" Thomas yelled happily.

Turkey's started popping up out of nowhere and running all over the place gobbling like crazy.

"HOLY SODOR I HAVE MELEAGRISPHOBIA!" Mr. Percival screamed a very girly scream and ran away, tripping and then falling into a bottomless pit.

"What's Thanksgiving?" Percy asked.

"It's when the Pilgrims arrived somewhere in America and they had a big feast with the Native Americans..." Jack started rambling on about Thanksgiving and gave Percy a history lecture about it.

"I love Thanksgiving because you get to EAT!" Fatty said excitedly, starting to drool all over the place like a bulldog. The engines backed away.

"Whoa whoa wait, what about the peeps who don't celebrate Thanksgiving?" BoCo asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Um...happy...Hanukkah?" Thomas said, confused on what to say.

"I'm pretty sure Hanukkah is around Christmas time." Edward said smartly. He had on those 3D glasses that you get at movie theaters. Then a turkey flew and landed on his buffer and started pecking at his face. Edward's eyes shrank into tiny dots.

"AAH IT'S GOING TO EAT ME ALIVE!" Edward raced away and crashed into a pond, creating a huge splash that soaked Stephen.

"Ugh. I'm wet. AND I'M AN ANTIQUE YA KNOW! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!" Stephen screamed, launching a rock at Edward.

"Yeah! The only person that shows me respect is Bertram! And he doesn't even speak!" Dowager Hatt, pointing to the little engine that never even got a speaking role.

"Hey! I show you respect!" Thomas protested.

"No, you just gave a boring ride to a boring place!" Dowager Hatt retorted, whacking Thomas in the face with her (very pointy!) candy cane.

"Harsh." whined Thomas.

"WELL, WHO CARES?! IT'S TIME TO FEAST!" Henry's driver clapped his hands and every engine and human on Sodor were poofed into a giant mansion. In front of them was a very huge table full of Thanksgiving food. And also a giant bowl full of mints for James.

"I'm thankful for the insanity and craziness that has spread across this world!" Thomas said cheerfully.

Everyone stared at all the delicious food.

"Wait. How are we engines supposed to grab the food and eat?" Charlie asked.

"Well I have Pinchy,_ duh!"_ Diesel 10 said proudly.

But before anyone could answer Charlie's question, Fatty jumped on top of the table, screaming, "I'M THANKFUL FOR FOOD AND COOKIES, NOW I MUST EAT!"

All the people and engine's crews screamed and tried to grab the food before Fatty could eat it all. Food started flying everywhere as everyone frantically tried to get what they could while the engines stood there confused and wanting to get food (but unfortunately, they didn't have hands or arms to get any).

Fatty started devouring things off of others plates and ate all the food like he was a vacuum cleaner. Then he was eating the plates and silverware. Next he was eating the napkins, glasses, and tablecloth. Lastly he ate the huge table and chairs. And he did this all in a matter of 20 seconds.

"AAH! DON'T EAT US!" Toby screamed.

And then all the people and engines were fleeing the mansion in fear of that. But Fatty only got bigger...and bigger...and bigger...until **BOOM!**

"Rattle my rods!" Gordon and everyone else gaped.

This also caused the mansion to blow up from a random oil leak. Pieces of debris smashed through one of the cars and set off the alarm, also breaking the gas tank. The car burst into flames. Everyone stared silently.

Gordon then broke the silence, yelling, "BUT THERE'S NO MORE COOKIES! LIFE IS OVER!"

"Well...that was a fail." Thomas said to himself, staring at the destroyed mansion.

Ted climbed out of Henry's cab and gasped. "MY MANSION! I PAYED SO MUCH FOR IT! AND NOT MY BEAUTIFUL CAR!" Ted screamed angrily, and began throwing a severe temper tantrum.

"That's a shame," Bob patted Ted with false sympathy, and then shoved him into a mud puddle, grabbed his wallet, and fled.

"Ya know fellow steam trains and people, I can always go to my house and make my special Thanksgiving stuffing!" Dowager Hatt told them.

"Your little 'special' stuffing made me puke all over Fatty's house!" Sir Lowham Hatt the weirdo yelled, waving his hat in the air. "Yeah!" One of Dowager Hatt's friend agreed.

"Geez, such negativity!" Dowager Hatt straightened her hat, which an eagle then flew down and snatched it.

Thomas thought. "Since now the feast is ruined...I guess I can go take someone to a restaurant..."

"TAKE MEEEE!" James chuffed up to him happily, blowing his whistle so loudly a nearby squirrel lost all its fur and went deaf.

"Um...sorry, I'm straight" Thomas said uncomfortably.

"No! Not in that way! In more specific terms, take me and Emily!" James told him, and Emily raced up next to him. They both put on big puppy dog eyes "Please?" they begged.

"Uh...sure." replied back Thomas.

"Yes! And you're paying, by the way." Emily said, smirking and then putting on an innocent face.

"WHAT?!"

Then a loud fangirl scream was heard and Rosie crashed down from the sky and landed in front of Thomas.

"TAKE ME WITH YOU TOO!" she shouted.

"Um...alright, then." Thomas said hesitantly.

"WHAT ABOUT ME?!" Percy squeaked.

"You don't have a date, so no." Toby snickered.

"And how do you all expect to enter a restaurant with Thanksgiving food on Sodor?" Cranky asked crankily, and then started screaming for no reason.

"Hmm..."

* * *

Minutes later at restaurant, Thomas slammed James into one of the walls, which crumbled down into a billion pieces. "Ow," James squeaked, and then sighed annoyingly and yelled out, "You just had to use me as your object to break down the wall, didn't you?"

Thomas shrugged (Wait, engine's can't shrug!) "Well, you're the biggest engine who came." he said nonchalantly.

Every resident in the restaurant screamed in terror at the thought of more engines crashing in, so they ran for their lives and went out the emergency door. They also trampled the restaurant workers in the process.

Emily and Rosie were behind them, and glanced in. "Now that's a nice Thanksgiving feast!" Rosie exclaimed.

Then everyone else teleported inside the restaurant, along with Fatty, who had come back to life. "MORE FOOD! YES!" Fatty exclaimed joyfully.

"Uh, oh." Henry fled the scene.


	7. Happy B-Day Ravenwing!

**This chapter is dedicated to and for my friend Ravenwing101, who's birthday is today! c:  
**

* * *

"Gordy, GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS?!" Thomas yelled at the big blue engine, who had been peacefully sitting in a siding.

"Don't call me that. To answer your question...um, December 9th?...and if you're talking about a holiday, is it Passover?" Gordon replied, confused.

"NO! IT'S DECEMBER 9th, SO IT'S RAVENWING'S BIRTHDAY!" Thomas screamed.

"Who's Ravenwing?" Gordon suddenly remembered "Oh no! SHE HATES US! Remember last year when she gave us the wrong coal and we all broke down? Last, last year was the worst! SHE DESTROYED ALL THE SIGNALS AND BUFFERS!"

"And malfunctioned James' controls. Oh, and the coal thing was an accident, by the way." Thomas added.

Then Ravenwing the long-furred tuxedo kitty walked up. She saw Thomas and Gordon.

"OH SHIZ! I'M IN THOMAS LAND! Again...!" she exclaimed, gaping.

"MAKE A RUN FOR IT!" Gordon fled.

Ravenwing gave Thomas a confused look. "Anyways...I don't suppose you have any weapons on you, right? He-he," Thomas said nervously.

"Of course not. Either way, I don't have any pockets. Though I did order some pelt-pockets last week from E-Bay." Ravenwing meowed, adding "Which _still_ hasn't come in the mail! I thought it said fast shipping!"

Percy, who had been nearby, stopped and looked at the towering pile of sacks full of mail that was quickly building up because he had been too lazy to pull the mail train.

"Well, I have a special surprise for you! Just hop in either Annie or Clarabel and I'll take you to it! As long as you don't do anything bad." Thomas told Raven.

"Oooh, a surprise! Alright, deal! I wasn't going to anyways, I'm much too excited for that now!" Ravenwing agreed, and was about to go into Annie when Clarabel shouted "No, pick me! I'm way cleaner than her!"

Annie gasped. "No way! You're the one who Lady Hatt found a dead rat in, you dirty rag!" she retorted.

The two coaches started arguing, so Ravenwing just chose a random coach and got into Clarabel. "Yes!" Clarabel cheered. Annie sulked.

Thomas was on the way to where his destination was going to be, when a pig got on the line and blocked the way. He screeched to a stop just in time, but stopped so suddenly that his coaches banged into each other roughly and his fireman smashed his arm on the controls and fractured it. A Wilhelm scream sounded from Thomas' cab, and the little tank engine smiled sheepishly.

Ravenwing, on the other paw, had face-planted into her apple cream pie because of the sudden stop. Though a bit annoyed, she just grabbed a handkerchief and cleaned it off.

Outside, Thomas waited for the pig to move. It didn't budge. He tried blowing his whistle and letting off steam, but that didn't work either. Finally he lost his patience and screamed, "MOVE, YOU DIRTY SWINE!"

The pig heard him and walked off the track, muttering "For your information, I get bathed quite frequently."

Thomas took a deep breath "Finally!" he exclaimed, and continued on.

Soon, they arrived at the Steamworks. Ravenwing climbed out of Annie and almost tripped on her own tail and the turntable.

"So what's the surprise?" Ravenwing asked excitedly, bouncing up and down and peering through the closed doors of the Steamworks.

Thomas counted down."Three...two...one!"

The Steamworks doors opened and there stood all the engines and diesels on Sodor with a party set up. "SURPRISE!" they yelled.

"A surprise birthday party?! THANK YOU!" Ravenwing attempted to hug Thomas, but he was too big so she just patted him.

"YAY! I GOT HUGGED! By the way, Blazerkitty actually set up the party. Me and the others just helped" Thomas explained.

Blaze stepped out "HAPPY B-DAY, BESTIE!" she raced up to Ravenwing and almost squeezed the life out of her.

"Very unusual party setting, but I like it! Thank you, Blaze!" Ravenwing and Blaze high-pawed.

Thomas and the two cats skipped to the Steamworks where the giant party took place.

James went up to Ravenwing and blew one of those party-blower thingies in her face before saying, "I helped! Can we be friends now?" he smiled innocently and put on puppy-dog eyes.

"Nah. You're still too stuck-up and arrogant for my taste." Ravenwing responded, shrugging and then waving her paw to dismiss him.

"WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?! I HAVE SUCH LOVELY PAINTWORK!" James started singing "Why Can't We Be Friends".

"I'M YOUR FRIEND!" Blaze also attempted to hug James, but hugging engines didn't seem to be physically possible.

Then Edward and BoCo started singing Taylor Swift songs, and Ravenwing ate the cake and other pastries and desserts that were on the table.

"Hey Raven, I like your fur." Rheneas commented.

Raven nodded "Thanks. I like to keep it neat. Um...your paintwork...is nice...too?" she replied awkwardly.

Diesel 10 and Diesel then put on the music on full blast, and balloons and party streamers began raining down.

"YEAH!" Ravenwing began break-dancing.

"Oops. I think I forgot to deactivate the party bombs." Blaze mewed to Ravenwing.

In conclusion, the party sure ended with a big "bang" of streamers and fireworks.

* * *

**Happy Birthday Raven! Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for being an awesome friend! :)**  
**-Blazie x**

**And also thanks to the people who reviewed and enjoy this crazy story! :P**


	8. Double Rainbows and Flashbacks

**Reply to Reviews (From Chapter 6):**

**jriddle41: I'll take that as a compliment...unless you were thinking otherwise :P**

**heyyl0: Thanks! It sure was XD**

**Guest: Thank you!**

* * *

Sodor had randomly changed seasons in a matter of 4 seconds and it had been snowing since morning.

Duncan and his grumbling-management therapist Rusty were at Glennock somehow drinking lemonade (which didn't make exact sense, since it was winter).

"Honestly, I don't know why I need a therapist. I'm perfectly fine! Don't you see, GRUMBLING IS PART OF MY PERSONALITY!" Duncan yelled annoyingly.

"Calm down. Remember, anger is not good for your heart." Rusty said with literally no emotion.

"But we're made out of metal and stuff...I think. I also don't think we physically have hearts." Duncan said.

"No duh, Sherlock!" Rheneas called out as steamed by. Then he didn't realize there was a huge snowbank ahead of him. "AH!" Rheneas didn't stop in time and crashed into the snowbank, and ended up covered in snow.

Duncan and Rusty paid no attention and continued chatting and drinking lemonade.

"Anyways, I'm still a good engine!" Duncan tried to think about the time he was nice. "How about the time I helped Luke when he was in trouble? You were watching!" he suggested.

"Hmm..." Rusty thought.

_***FLASHBACK***_

Duncan was traveling up a hill when he had to stop because Luke was stuck since his wheels kept slipping on the icy rails.

"For buffers sake, Luke! What the heck is the hold up?!" Duncan complained as the tree on Luke's flatbed poked him in the eye.

"Um...my wheels keep slipping on these icy rails." Luke said apologetically, still struggling.

"WELL, THEN PUT SOME SAND ON THE RAILS!" Duncan screamed.

Luke looked even more hurt "I'm afraid my sandbox is empty." he said quietly.

**"MOVE!"** Duncan's patience snapped and he shoved Luke so hard the little green engine derailed.

"He-he...oops."

**_*END OF FLASHBACK*_**

"Whoa whoa wait, that's not what happened! I helped Luke go up the hill!" Duncan protested.

"That's now how I remember it." Rusty replied, narrowing his eyes.

"Hey! You're supposed to be nice! Not create mean flashbacks!" Duncan exclaimed.

Rusty unzipped himself. It was Edward.

"You're also supposed to be wise." Duncan muttered, putting on an unamused expression.

Edward unzipped himself. This time it was really Gordon, who had managed to fit in costumes smaller than him.

"That explains it." said Duncan, and Gordon laughed and laughed so hard his pistons popped.

* * *

Caitlin and Connor were racing, as usual, this time on the snowy tracks. Spencer puffed up, feeling very grand indeed.

"Ha! I bet I can go so much faster than both of you combined!" Spencer said in a cocky tone.

"Suuure." Connor zoomed past him, spraying snow all over Spencer's face. Caitlin followed, but she was actually wearing a snowplow.

Determined to beat and or catch up to them, Spencer tried to go as fast as he could to catch up with the two speedy engines. But that only caused his coaches to get bumped severely.

"**AGH!**" Fatty shouted as the bump made him go flying halfway across the coach and crash into the table where Lady Hatt was sipping tea. Lady Hatt's hot tea spilled all over her lap.

**"OW!**" she exclaimed, reaching for a napkin and ice cubes. Fatty finally got back onto his feet and looked outside to see Spencer speeding at over 6,000 miles per hour to catch up to Caitlin and Connor.

Poking his head out of the window, Fatty bellowed, "SLOW DOWN, YOU SILVER KETTLE-POT!"

But Spencer hadn't heard his order, and continued speeding, his face redder than James' paintwork, even with snow blowing in his face.

"I..can...do...this! I'll...beat...them!" he panted, and saw that Connor and Caitlin had stopped at a red signal. Spencer cursed and tried to stop in time.

But unfortunately, the law of physics did not defy him and Spencer stopped 2 inches ahead of the red signal. "Whew!" he said in relief.

"Gee, Spencer, why you such a law-breaker?" Connor told him, adding, "Not cool!"

Then a 100 police cars pulled up since Spencer had passed a red signal (by two inches) and all the policemen raised their guns at him. "Put your hands up!" they ordered.

Fatty stepped out of the coach looking very dizzy, but he yelped as he saw the policemen. "Don't shoot me!" he screamed frightfully, cowering over.

The same policeman who co-worked with Duncan scoffed and said, "Why would we shoot? We just needed to get you out of the coach."

"Oh, thank Sodor!" Fatty put his hands down and took out a chocolate bar that was very high in trans fat and calories and ate a bite. The head policemen then ordered the other men to put down their guns down and go away since only one car and police was needed in the situation.

"Actually, now you must pay the fine. Your engine here was going at very dangerous speeds, and almost made poor Farmer Trotter fall into quicksand." the policeman explained, handing Fatty a speeding ticket.

"500,000,000 DOLLARS?!" Fatty spit out his chocolate bar and gaped.

Caitlin stood there silently while Connor snickered and waited for Fatty to reprimand Spencer.

Poor Spencer, on the other hand, was very embarrassed indeed. And he also learned not to go racing Sodor's fastest engines or he would get a speeding ticket.

* * *

Emily and the other female engines were trying to fix up the Great Composer's Christmas concert. They were playing the trans-siberian version of 'Carol of the Bells'.

Yet they were failing miserably. They already has to replace about 40 violins because the strings all snapped, 10 electric guitars since they malf-functioned, and about 25 cellos and other orchestra stuff.

"Okay, let's try again...for the 245th time," Mavis sighed.

"Alright!" the Great Composer started conducting. Everyone failed and played terribly and each instrument was either playing the wrong notes, not counting rests, playing too slow or too fast, or behind a measure.

Molly rage-quit and ran over the music stand. **"JUST FREAKING PLAY IT RIGHT!"** she screamed loudly.

"Chill!" Rosie told her, and a double rainbow appeared across the sky.

Then, oddly enough, the orchestra began playing the whole song perfectly. "YEAH!" The Great Composer waved his baton around so hard he accidentally threw it into a bush. Luckily, the orchestra still played perfectly.

"Who knew I had the power to make an orchestra play perfectly!" Molly exclaimed.

"Yeah, right." Emily said sarcastically. Molly just blew raspberry at her while Millie's driver took over conducting the orchestra.

* * *

"MAKE IT RAIN!" Porter shouted to the sky, hoping it would rain, but only snow fell down. "But that will melt the snow!" Henry whined.

Then Cranky wasn't paying attention, as usual, and dropped his crates of melted cheese and soda on top of Porter.

"Gross. I don't like cheese." Porter pouted childishly.

Charlie then came by on a floating purple sparkly unicorn. "I like the smell of sharpies!" he yelled out randomly.

"Aye, aye, aye." Salty sighed in exasperation as sharpies started appearing everywhere for no apparent reason.


	9. Le Christmas Special Part 1

"ONE MORE DAY UNTIL CHRISTMAS!" Thomas announced loudly at Brendam Docks, which was decorated in Christmas lights and decorations and a huge Christmas tree that was supposed to be at the Town Hall, (thanks to Percy, who couldn't stand having the docks un-festive). All the engines plus Fatty were there, since Thomas had called a "meeting".

Belle and Rosie looked at each other, getting an idea. "This calls for a duet!" Emily said proudly.

"I'm gonna go hide now," Fatty went away to hide in a garbage can that he somehow fit it. Unfortunately, then Scruff came to pick it up with the help of Reg, and Fatty was thrown into the garbage truck.

Then Belle and Rosie started singing 'What Is This Feeling' from the Wicked.

"MY NAME'S PORTER AND I AM A CAMEL!" Porter screamed, puffing around in circles.

Trying to ignore the awkwardness, Thomas said, "While those two are singing, I have an announcement...again. We need to have an epic Christmas party of randomness, therefore I shall create one!"

Crickets chirped as the engines stared blankly at him. "Well, are you going to do it?" Harold asked from above. He was decorated with Christmas lights and such, but also was armed with missiles and firearms.

"HEY! That ain't festive! Take down those weapons immediately!" Diesel 10 ordered.

"NEVER!" Harold laughed madly, and then accidentally shot out a missile. It landed nearby and almost blew up Big Mickey the crane thingy. Luckily, no was hurt...except for an unfortunate goods train.

"HA! I KNEW IT, BIG MICKEY AND TUGS LIVES ON!" Belle screamed happily, shooting water everywhere with her canons and soaking everyone.

"Look, let's not go off-topic like we did last holiday! Anyways, I shall now make it rain presents!" Thomas floated up to the clouds, and then presents fell down from the sky, (and Thomas himself, of course).

Emily's driver, Amanda, tore open Emily's presents. Inside was a little ginger kitten with a big ribbon and a bunch of Hunger Games stuff. "WHAT?! I WANTED PEETA!" screamed Emily.

"And exactly how was he was supposed to fit in a box?" muttered Diesel the grump.

_"You_ make no sense. Oh well, this will do." Emily looked through her Hunger Games stuff.

Meanwhile, Henry was annoying Gordon just for the heck of it. "Gordon, did you know you're fat?" he teased.

For some reason, Gordon wasn't offended by that "Well..." he paused, and finally said "This is the perfect occasion to sing a favorite song of mine!"

Hiro grew an arm and face-palmed. "Not again." he groaned.

_"Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass, no treble!"_ Gordon sang, with James and Edward providing the backing vocals.

"Yeah my momma, she told me don't worry about your size!"" Fatty added, getting out of the garbage compactor and then he started dancing while being covered in garbage.

"I never said that!" Dowager Hatt gasped in shock, and then a large Christmas ornament fell on her.

Percy then arrived with a sleigh that was carrying Santa Claus. Fatty gaped and yelled, "I was supposed to be Santa!"

Santa Claus scoffed and waved his hand "Not in your condition. Now, WHO WANTS TO SEE ME, THE GREAT AND AWESOME SANTA CLAUS?!"

"WE DO!" The engines all raced to get to Santa first, and in the process most of them crashed into each other and derailed. Then they started fighting and screaming at each other and throwing insults. Fatty covered his ears and tried to get them to shut up, but he couldn't be heard from all the commotion.

In the midst of it all, Henry and Percy managed to get in front of Santa and actually talk to him in peace.

Henry spoke first. "I want some new wheels from the Steamworks! And another truckload of Oreo's, Kim Kardashian, another wishing tree, and a machete!" Henry told Santa.

"Hmm...I'll see about that. I don't exactly give out weapons or famous stars." Santa said, and ushered him away.

"I want a purple unicorn, glitter, a poster of Jennifer Lopez, and a penguin!" Percy squeaked excitedly.

"Alright. Now, GO!" Santa also drove him away and sat back down to eat some ice cream from the cooler that was built in his sled.

The engines all magically came back onto the rails and all raced towards Santa, who dropped his ice cream, screamed, and started to run away. But because he was too...um..._large_, Santa was too slow to escape. The engines all ran over poor Santa Claus.

Just kidding.**  
**

Despite barley managing to escape the stampede of engines, Santa scrambled into his sled and bellowed at his reindeer's, "FLY, RUDOLPH, FLY!"

So only Rudolph began to fly. Santa face-palmed, and then his eyes widened at the engines racing towards him in excitement. "I MEAN ALL OF YOU, FLY!" he screamed, whipping them gently (or not) with his horse whip he borrowed from Farmer Trotter. And all his reindeer's began to fly. He and his sled flew away into the night sky, nearly crashing into the giant Christmas tree.

"Aw, we scared him away." Charlie pouted.

"Wait! That wasn't even the real Santa! I've seen that guy at the mall! So how can he fly and do all that stuff?" questioned Duck.

The fake Santa flew by again, yelling "I hired some special-effects guy to do all of this!"

Then his sled crashed into the stationmasters house. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY DINNER!" the stationmasters wife screamed.

"Any-who, why don't I tell one of my Christmas stories?" Salty suggested.

"How about,_ no!_" Diesel yelled in a really congested voice.

Salty burst into tears, and an ornament from the Christmas tree shattered again. Then the newest engine on Sodor, Rachel, a dark blue and lavender tender engine, saw James and did a fangirl scream and went up to him. James started screaming in terror at the sight of his overly-obsessed fangirl besides the author herself.

* * *

Well that just broke the fourth wall.

* * *

"Will you go out with me? PLEEEASE?!" Rachel begged, trying to put on a cute face which only creeped out James even more.

"No thanks!" James replied as soon as he stopped screaming.

Rachel narrowed her eyes, then grinned mischievously as she exclaimed, "Then I'll just get you and me to go under the mistletoe!"

"Um...no thanks." James backed away.

"Now that we have all opened our presents and seen Santa..." Thomas thought of what they could do next. The other engines began shouting out ideas and other random stuff.

"Let's go celebrate Christmas on Misty Island!"

"Heck no! Remember last time?!"

"I like My Little Pony!"

_"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, cuz damn right, it's better than yours-"_

"Do you even know the real meaning of that song?!"

"How about let's celebrate a _proper_ Christmas at the Steamworks!" Edward suggested loudly so everyone could hear.

"I say we do Eddie's idea! To the Steamworks!" Thomas shouted.

* * *

**To be continued...**

**Part 2 should be up tomorrow, unless I'm too busy with holiday stuff :P And of course, I do not own any songs mentioned in the chapter (duh). You guys can also suggest ideas for the next and upcoming chapters. Happy Holidays!**


	10. Le Christmas Special Part 2

At the Steamworks, the whole place was also decorated in Christmas stuff and had Christmas tree. Thomas and the engines marched in.

"LET'S PARTY!" Thomas screamed, and everyone raced in, running over many tools and engine parts that were left on the floor thanks to Kevin.

Victor, who had been asleep, gaped at the sight of everyone. "HAY DIOS MIO QUE LES PASAN?!" he screamed in Spanish. Kevin went up to him and smiled sheepishly.

"He-he...I forgot to tell you that Edward reserved a party here-" Kevin looked at the reservations on his iPad "-five minutes ago!"

Victor was mad that it had interrupted his wonderful nap. In fact, he was so mad he started screaming in anger very loudly and wouldn't shut up.

"Quit ruining the Christmas spirit!" Henry's driver Ted stuffed one of the Christmas donuts (which he had gotten from the dinner table) into Victor's mouth. Victor now only screamed in a muffled tone.

While everyone chatted and opened extra presents, the 1D and 5SOS fangirls club (which consisted of Mavis, Millie, Marion, and Daisy) started blasting on songs of those bands.

"AAAGH I HATE 1D AND 5SOS! Well, actually, 1D is worse, I don't care about 5SOS." Molly rammed into the radio/stereo thing. It then proceeded to explode into a million pieces.

"How dare you!" Millie rammed into Molly, and both female engines began to fight.

"Oh god, lady cat fight!" Bill and Ben both kept a long distance between those two. But while backing away, Bill crashed into the dinner table. All the food was flung into the air, including the desserts.

The giant chocolate cake fell on James, covering him with chocolate frosting and filling. "Oh, _yuck!_ NOT MY PAINTWORK!" he shouted. Fatty took off some of the chocolate that was on James' buffers and tasted it.

"Hey, but you don't taste half bad!" Fatty told him, starting to drool at the thought of chocolate.

_"Don't eat me!"_ James yelped, and went off to go to the nearest wash-down.

Gordon was now covered in spaghetti sauce and pasta, Luke had melted cheese on him, Percy was covered in strawberry jam, Diesel 10 was littered with lettuce and ranch from the salads, and the Christmas-themed jelly donuts landed all over Thomas.

"Nooo! Now there's no more food!" Farmer McColl yelled bitterly, clenching his fists and ready to punch someone.

"Hey! But at least Santa's coming soon!" Sir Robert Norway exclaimed cheerfully, holding up his iPhone where he had the app 'Santa Tracker'. Farmer McColl was so ticked he smacked the iPhone out of Robert's hand. The iPhone fell onto the floor, cracked,and burst into flames. Since Flynn was nearby, he shot water at the burning device and put on the fire.

Sir Robert looked down at the ashes of his iPhone and frowned "That wasn't very nice! Do not ruin the Christmas spirit, you tidbit!" he said, disappointed. But then Sir Robert smiled cheerfully again and put on a Santa hat and then started break-dancing.

Meanwhile, Thomas had gone out from a few moments and came back into the Steamworks wearing antlers, Christmas lights, and a red nose. "I'M THOMAS THE RED-NOSED ENGINE!" he announced proudly.

"That's my funny nickname!" James growled, somehow holding up a baseball bat he had stolen from Gordon.

Thomas blew raspberry at him. "Well now it's _my_ nickname!"

Kevin reconstructed the stereo using his hook and random engine parts and metal. He hid it in a corner so the 1D fangirls wouldn't change the music, and played on Christmas music.

Then a "ho-ho-ho!" was heard and everyone looked outside into the sky. Something that looked like Santa's sleigh flew by.

"Cinders and ashes Santa is here!" screamed Henrietta.

Toby, who had a Santa hat on, turned around and gasped. "It might really be him! Not like that fraud from before!"

But then that something-that-looked-like-Santa's-sleigh turned out to be Harold being a troll again. The helicopter snickered, but then a fake goose flew into his propellers and send him crashing on top of Tidmouth Sheds.

Thomas chuffed forwards, and then the Christmas lights decorated on him got tangled into his wheels. The lights shattered and also sparked tremendously.

Flynn saw this from where he was flirting with Belle and he gasped. "Fire! Don't worry Thomas, I'll save you!" he called.

"What? I don't need-" Thomas was cut off as Flynn hosed him down with water, soaking Thomas and putting out his firebox. Thomas put on an annoyed expression and did his signature eye roll.

Dowager Hatt and her friends started dancing the Macarena while 'Jingle Bell Rock' started playing.

Then Elsa from Frozen poofed into the Steamworks. "Greetings, engines! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!" she yelled, and created a snowball magic thing which then created a Winter Wonderland in the Steamworks. Then Elsa crashed back up into the sky.

"That was random." Percy said, putting on a derp face.

Meanwhile, Santa was on the roof of the Steamworks doing the electric slide and moonwalk. And no one realized, except for a stray dog who started barking its head off.

"At least the Steamworks is now...more Chirstmas-y! Hooray for the holidays!" said Thomas.

So the engines partied on until midnight, and then went off to go party in another place until Knapford Station fell on them.

Just kidding!


	11. New Years Eve and Weird Stories

"AGH I HATE SNOW!" Thomas complained as he cleared the tracks of snow near Knapford Station. He was using his magical sparkly snowplow decorated with cupcake stickers that plowed through snow at over 500 miles per hour.

"But snow is so awesome!" Henry said in a gangster voice. He was standing in the middle of the tracks doing nothing but blocking them. He was also freezing into a popsicle-engine. Literally.

"Can't you just change the season like you did before with your magical powers or something?" asked Toby as he chuffed by, sliding on the icy rails.

"That just ruins the fun!" Thomas exclaimed, giving Toby a 'well-thanks-for-being-such-a-killjoy look'.

Toby was very confused indeed.

"I hate doing this job! We're all crazy and drugged on the coal, why can't we just ditch work and have a lot of fun?" Oliver whined.

Duck was nearby, and the sorta-but-not-really overrated engine started repeating his 'There are two ways of doing things' catchphrase. Oliver raced away screaming.

Meanwhile, James was struggling to plow through a very large snowbank. Though the red engine hadn't realized yet, he wasn't moving any of the snow at all, just wasting his energy as he attempted too. Edward then came racing by.

"Hey Jamie! You know, you should try putting on four-wheel drive! That should work!" Edward called out, even though he didn't even know what four-wheel drive was. He had just heard Fatty mention it when he crashed Winston a few days ago.

"Do we even have four-wheel drive?" James questioned, still trying to plow through the snowbank.

"I don't know. If Winston and Bertie have it, surely we steam engines have it...right?" Edward replied, smiling nervously. He puffed away without another word. James was also very confused (and very tired from failing to plow through the snowbank).

Then Percy came chuffing along the line on the tracks behind James, not paying attention to what was ahead of him. Since, of course, Percy's driver had recently purchased him a Google glass. At the last moment Percy did a double-take, and rammed into James, causing the red engine to come off the tracks. Which didn't make much sense since Percy was smaller than James.

"Percy...WHAT THE HECK?!" James yelled at him, he was very cross (duh!).

"Oops." Percy put on an innocent face. "Well, look in the bright side, you finally stopped wasting your time plowing through that snowbank with no avail!" Percy said, trying to sound cheerful. James growled.

Then, Sodor suddenly changed weather patterns and all the snow stopped falling and disappeared.

"Yay! No more using my snowplow!" Thomas forced his driver to take off the snowplow and then lit it on fire. So Bob did, even though he didn't exactly agree with that.

"It's almost 2015! We must recall this years trends and memories!" Gordon exclaimed. That's when everyone remembered it was New Years Eve. The engines started shouting about trends and memories of 2014.

"Robin Williams?"

"The World Cup 2014!"

"Tale of the Brave came out and it was cool! Well...in my opinion."

"Season 18!"

"ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!"

"Yay for the iPhone 6!"

Gordon then realized that his statement would have way too many answers.

Edward put on his smart glasses. Well, his driver Sidney (or Charlie) did.

"The answers vary. It depends where you live, because different places had different top trends of 2014." he said in a intelligent tone of voice (?).

"He has a point," Oliver agreed, since he was now Edward's nerdy buddy. So he also put on his smart glasses.

Then Mr. Bubbles teleported over and started doing magic tricks, but he failed at all of them. Then a giant swordfish appeared randomly and started whacking Mr. Bubbles with its tail and sword-like nose. Every engine, except Percy and James, turned to look at the two and, of course, didn't bother to question it.

"Hey! How come I am feeling no pain and not getting hurt?" Mr. Bubbles questioned as the swordfish continued whacking him.

"This is rated 'K plus' and a humor story for a reason, ding-dong." Thomas told him flatly.

"Hey Percy, you're my friend, right?" asked James while no one was paying attention.

"Um...sure..." Percy said quietly, his eyes shrinking down to small dots, half expecting the red engine to start yelling at him for what happened. (Another good reason Percy didn't mention the events that happened when he thought there was a so-called 'monster' on Sodor.)

"Then you'll put me back on the rails, right?"

"Uh..."

"Friends should help each other out, you know?" James narrowed his eyes.

"Erm..."

"You _are_ my best friend, correct?

"Y-yes..."

2 minutes later, Percy was coupled up to James and was trying to pull him back onto the tracks with no avail. "You're too heavy!" complained Percy, who was out of breath and tired.

"Try harder! Also, you do know that you can just fetch Rocky, right?" James replied.

Percy threw a very big temper tantrum.

Then Bob the Builder poofed out of existence and Mr. Bubbles ran away. In their place arrived a pack of wolves that started singing Irish songs. Then they disappeared as well, and things finally stopped popping up out of nowhere.

"Let's tell stories! Did I tell you about the time me and Skarloey raced this weirdo engine called Fearless Freddie?" Rheneas began.

"YES! YOU TOLD US THAT!" Peter Sam screamed.

"What about the time I almost got crushed by a perfectly-round boulder and-"

"THAT TOO!"

"How about when-"

"Just SHUT UP, YOU RAGAMUFFIN!" Skarloey's fireman threw a blueberry muffin at Rheneas.

"What's a ragamuffin?" Ferdinand asked stupidly.

"Your face." muttered Gordon.

"Actually, it's a breed of cat." Oliver cut in smartly.

"Nooo, you're both wrong. It is a type of pizza" Toby said wisely.

"Oh."

Meanwhile, Emily was chattering to Rosie about her favorite TV show, 'Once Upon A Time'. Rosie was also very hyper, considering her driver had accidentally dumped five pounds of sugar into her firebox.

"You seem really perky today, Rosie." Thomas commented as Rosie started puffing around in circles over and over again and giggling like crazy.

"I know right? Careful now, she goes more insane than when James was told the Steamworks ran out of paint polish!" Emily warned him.

"Speaking of me, is anyone going to help me get back on the tracks?" whimpered James.

Crickets chirped because no one bothered to listen.

"One day, POTATOES SHALL RULE THE WORLD!" Toby's driver hurled potatoes at the engines from his unlimited supply of potatoes.

"Busting boilers! Killer potatoes!" Thomas yelped, and he ran away.

"IS ANYBODY GONNA HELP ME?!" James screamed. Again, no one listened because of Toby's driver hurtling potatoes, and crickets chirped again. James glared at the group of crickets that were on his buffers. "Seriously?" he asked irritably. The crickets shrugged.

"And this is why we can't ever celebrate something properly." muttered the stationmaster while playing on his iPhone.


	12. Jinxes & Ducks

"GRR!" Toby was attacking a potato. And by attacking he was constantly running over it even though the potato had already become mashed potatoes.

Henry chuffed over and saw what Toby was doing. "Whoa! Someone's angry!" he backed away.

Toby heard the green tender engine and finally stopped annihilating the poor potato. "Sorry, it's just that Mavis broke up with me, and-"

"Scrap me now!" Henry muttered, rolling his eyes. And he had to listen to Toby jabbering on about his girl problems for the next 21 hours.

* * *

"I LIKE RAINBOWS!" Timothy exclaimed, pulling a rainbow-colored truck.

Then Samson the choo-choo engine magically appeared, since the engines could now do that as well. "My name is Samson." he said in a deep voice.

"Noooo, really? I thought it was Soap." Duncan muttered sarcastically.

Samson cringed. "Soap?! Geez, what kind of railway do you come from? One where all the engines have retarded names?!" he gasped in horror and disgust.

"Gosh, you're rude." Duncan chuffed away, very offended indeed.

Samson continued chit-chatting about himself. "So yeah, y'all know me as like, the greatest and strongest tank engine here. And I am a know-it-all. I know everything, DON'T DENY IT! BECAUSE I'M REALLY COCKY AND ARROGANT! So, deal with it."

"ANOTHER ONE OF OUR KIND!" James and Gordon threw a party with Samson and their drivers and 'Uptown Funk' began playing.

"Hey! For once, Thomas isn't taking over the spotlight!" Diesel 10 attempted to cackle evilly, but ended up failing and he started choking.

Because Diesel 10 jinxed it, Thomas made his grand entrance and floated down from the sky with heavenly music playing like when angels appear. "I'M HERE!" he shouted very loudly. He was very extra-hyper today.

"You jinxed it!" Paxton yelled at Diesel 10.

"Well, hopefully while he was gone he didn't inhale a whole tank of helium, right?" Diesel 10 told him.

"DOUGHNUTS! I LOVE DOUGHNUTS!" Thomas screamed in an extremely high-pitched voice. Donuts rained down from the sky, since apparently Thomas now had some weird superpower to make it rain any food.

"Why does your voice sound so high-pitched and squeaky?!" Percy asked confusingly while he rode on a unicorn he had stolen from the Animal Park.

"Because I inhaled a whole tank of helium!" replied Thomas energetically.

"You jinxed it, again!" Paxton yelled shockingly at Diesel 10, who gave a 'How-should-I-know-about-jinxes?' look. So Fatty then appeared and slapped him in the face for not knowing about jinxes, which only caused Diesel 10 to almost cut him in half with Pinchy.

Fatty then got every extremely-hyper engine (Fatty had bribed the engines crews with a higher payment if they dumped gallons of sugar in their engines fireboxes) to gather around some random station they were at where everyone could magically fit onto the tracks in perfect order.

"Ahem." Fatty stepped onto a stack of 210 wooden boxes so everyone could see him. "I have a special announcement!"

"BOOO!" everyone booed.

Fatty began to cry. "Why are all of you so mean?!" he sobbed, and leaned forwards. The stack of 210 boxes he was standing on toppled over and Fatty came crashing down with it.

"Hmm. Who knew Fatty was so sensitive?" Toby observed.

"Maybe since the day we met him? Or since the time when Henry ran over his cat Snoodles." responded Thomas, still having his chipmunk voice.

Henry looked horrified. "I did _not_ run over his cat! It was a _rat_!"

"Um, no, it was a gerbil." Toad contradicted.

"SHUT UP!" Thomas zapped Toad with some random superpower and turned him into a toad. Then Thomas proceeded to zap Duck, and turned him into a duck.

"Quack quack!" Duck quacked angrily, jumping up on Thomas' buffers and pecking him in the nose...hard.

Thomas put on a smug expression. "Sorry, I can't understand you because I don't speak duck, _Duck._" he snickered.

"I swear I can't take that insane blue puffball seriously with that voice" James muttered. Then his driver, Noah, hopped out of James' cab and took out something that looked like a pet collar.

"Lucky for all of you, I have a duck translator!" Noah exclaimed, and he grabbed Duck, then placed the collar on him.

"Quack! Quack quack quack QUACK?!" Duck yelled.

"Thomas! Why did you turn me into a _duck?!_ My real name is Montague anyways!" screamed the translator.

Thomas blew raspberry at him. "Because I can, and I am attempting to become a troll." he attempt to laugh evilly, but because it still sounded high-pitched, everyone just started laughing. Duck slapped him with one wing. Toad just stood somewhere where he wouldn't get run over.

Gordon watched as Thomas started racing around in circles laughing his funnel off. "Holy Sodor, Thomas, are you high or something?"

Skarloey sighed. "Aren't we all now?" he told him. He was the only engine who still hadn't taken the Alaskan coal yet. How wise of him.

"HEY!" Edward puffed up to Gordon. "Don't talk about those things! Think of the poor 9-year-old children! This is rated K+ for a reason!" he shouted angrily.

Gordon gave him a confused look. "I thought this was rated 'T', not K+"

"Well, the author decided to change it to K+! Isn't that right, author?"

"Yup." the author mumbled.

"Oh...oops." Gordon gave Edward a sheepish smile. Edward's fireman face-palmed.

"Can you turn me back into an engine now?" Duck's translator said.

Thomas paused for a moment to say "Nope!" and continued going around in circles laughing like the evil troll he was acting like. Then a bunch of hungry raccoons started chasing Duck all around the station.

"QUUUUAAAAAAAAAACK!" quacked Duck angrily as he fled.

"THOOOOMAAAAAS!" screamed the translator.

"Wait, since when did Thomas have random superpowers?" questioned Douglas, looking at his twin.

"Since 1915." Donald replied, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

Douglas didn't seem to get the sarcasm. "Really?"

"Nope."

"Aw." Douglas pouted.


	13. More Random Occurences

Oliver looked on boringly as he watched Duck, who was still a duck, get chased by a bunch of hungry raccoons while running in circles over and over again.

"Thomas, can't you turn him back into an engine now? Watching Duck fleeing for his life is getting boring." Oliver complained, yawning as he turned to watch Toad jumping all over the place. "Oh yeah, and turn Toad back into a brakevan too, please"

The extremely hyper blue tank engine yelled out, "NOOOO!" and continued to laugh like a maniac.

Oliver pouted.

Meanwhile, Fatty had somehow climbed up a diving board that was a gazillion feet high from the pool below. "I'm going to jump into the pool!" he announced proudly.

"Uh oh." Most of the engines backed away, but Gordon and James put on 3-D glasses, got some popcorn, and slowly steamed over closer to see it happen from a better view.

Sir Robert Norramby cheered Fatty on and waved his half-eaten churro in the air. "Bro, just go for it right now, hurry up!" he yelled.

"Oh don't do it." Gordon gasped as he realized what would happen.

Fatty jumped anyways.

"Oh my god." James said flatly.

In conclusion, the whole island of Sodor got flooded underwater.

* * *

Once BoCo and his cleaning company un-flooded Sodor, Thomas finally turned Duck back into a tank engine, and Toad back into to a brakevan.

At the Clay Pits, Timothy was listening to Diesel 10's "wise talks" with Pinchy. And of course, Timothy believed everything Diesel 10 said because he's that gullible.

"You know, it's sad, Fatty always favors steamies instead of us diesels," Diesel 10 was saying. "All we do is shunt trucks and use fuel instead of coal. But you know, Pinchy has always been there for me in those tough times." he continued.

Timothy, who wasn't even paying attention and instead staring at a squashed pickle, asked "So Pinchy can talk? That would be cool."

"Well duh, Pinchy talks to me telepathically. So no one else can hear but _me_! Isn't that right, Pinchy?" Diesel 10 purred sweetly at the inanimate hydraulic claw.

Timothy was very confused, and for the first time in forever, took his eyes off the pickle and looked at Diesel 10. "So, um...what does telephonically mean?" he questioned dumbly.

Diesel 10 sighed. "Are you stupid, dumb, or both? It's telepathically, and last time I checked, you're not supposed to be stupid!" he exclaimed.

Timothy blinked. "D-did you just call me stupid?" he sniffed sadly. "WAAAAH!" he then proceeded to burst into tears.

"Oh, shut up!" Diesel 10 rolled his eyes. Then Marion, who had been digging (as usual), overheard the commotion and steamed over.

"Diesel 10!" she scolded. "You were supposed to be digging, not chatting with Timothy! DIGGING IS LIFE!" she screamed.

"No thanks, I'm going." Diesel 10 said unenthusiastically. "Let's go, Pinchy!" he added, and then dieseled away.

* * *

Henry and Thomas (who had finally calmed down a bit) watched in boredom as their drivers had an arm wrestle challenge. By the looks of it, Ted was winning. And then after two more seconds, Bob for some unknown reason overpowered Ted and slammed his arm arm against the table. Bob yelled, "I WIN!"

"Dang it!" Ted screamed, and was so enraged he accidentally flung his brand new iPhone onto the tracks. Bertie tooted by and ran over it, followed by a fat Gordon coming by pulling the heavy express and running over it as well. Finally, some random boy smacked it with a metal bat when he mistook the iPhone for a baseball.

"AAAAUGH! NOOO, MY PHONE!" Ted screamed in horror, and quickly snatched up his beloved appliance from the tracks and checked it over. Luckily, despite everything, it still worked perfectly and the screen hadn't cracked.

Ted sighed in relief. "Thank god nothing happened to my phone, because that would be horrible!" he exclaimed, and set down his phone on the coffee table. The screen cracked badly, and the iPhone burst into flames.

"What the heck..." muttered Henry. He obviously didn't have any knowledge on bursting-into-flames-and-then-exploding Apple products.

"WHAT?!" Ted got so furious he literally lit a nearby shed on fire with a lighter he had in his pocket. The shed exploded into flames, and then got swallowed by a giant shed-eating goldfish.

* * *

Bill and Ben were pranking the nearest engine they could find, as usual. This time their victim was Salty, who was happily singing pirate songs at Brendam Docks, because that was pretty much the only place Salty ever stayed at.

"La-dee-da, I like salt, and weird stories. Oh, and I like sand as well!" Salty was saying to himself, shunting some trucks full of milk that were in his way. Or, what he thought was milk.

Bill and Ben giggled mischievously. They waited for their prank to work.

As Salty shoved the last truck of milk, the truck didn't budge at all. Salty shoved it again, and still the truck didn't even move one bit. "Why won't this truck move?!" Salty shouted annoyingly, and finally slammed into it at full force.

The truck literally fell apart, and large, heavy buckets of super-glue, blue paint, and feathers flew everywhere. They landed all over Salty, who had been too slow to escape.

"HAHAHA!" Ben started laughing so hard that he made a whole shipment of mirrors shatter all over the place. A very surprised Salty looked at him.

"Hey! Was this another one of your pranks?!" Salty shouted at them. "No fair! It'll take ages for me to get this glue off of me!" he continued on angrily.

"Plus, who puts super-glue in buckets?!" Cranky called from above.

Bill snickered. "Well, this time we had help from our drivers, but the prank was our idea! Ha-ha! We replaced the milk with heavy buckets of glue, so you wouldn't be able to shunt it so easily. Oh, and we added feathers and paint. Of course, since we don't have hands, our drivers did it for us." he replied cheekily.

Cranky complained again from above, "Don't you two know anything about pranks? You're not supposed to explain how you did it!"

"Says the one who has never pulled a prank before," Porter scoffed.

That sure silenced Cranky, who was now very cranky.

"We had to explain, or else the readers would be very confused, _duh."_ said Ben.

And with that said, Bill and Ben chuffed off to find another engine to pull a prank on.

* * *

**I am now accepting OC's! :) So you can just fill out the following form:**

**Name:**

**Gender:**

**Appearance/Color:**

**Personality:**

**Likes and Dislikes:**

**(Optional) Extra: **


	14. Bad Koal

"Hmm," said Thomas as he looked at his clipboard which Bob was holding up for him to look at. "We have a few more OC's coming in!"

Percy was in a bad mood for no apparent reason. "Why do you have to appear in _every_ chapter?!" he complained.

Bob dropped the clipboard and Thomas narrowed his eyes at his best friend. "I'm the main character here! I am Thomas the Tank Engine! I have to appear in every chapter or else the readers will think I've disappeared forever!" he shouted.

"Great, it's Season 13 all over again," muttered Toby.

"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO-CHOO!" Duck yelled out randomly.

So then, the three new engines poofed into Knapford Station, where pretty much everyone always gathered because the author is currently too lazy to think of another location.

"My name's Amy," a red engine said.

"I'm Thalia," said a dark blue and purple tender engine.

"And I'm Karina! And I'm a very splendid engine!" another red tender engine exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" James shouted, who had also been turned back into an engine, raced up to Karina and Amy.

"I'm the splendid one here! No one here takes that title but _me!"_ he yelled at the two female red engines. Amy didn't seem to pay much attention, while Karina snickered.

"Sorry Jamie, but that's my title now! He-he," Karina responded.

Henry looked at the three red engines. "James, I never knew you had twin sisters," he said flatly.

James juddered and blew steam everywhere. "I don't! At least, I don't think so, but either way, I'm not the only red engine on the island anymore!" he whined.

"Psh, what about Skarloey and Rheneas?" Thalia added in, apparently already knowing every engine on the island.

"Their shade of red isn't as awesome as mine! But now...I'm no longer unique!" James wailed, and burst into tears and continued to whine. Therefore, Emily had to comfort and console him for the next 24 hours.

Meanwhile, Edward attempted to show Karina around the island, but Karina ended up bashing into him and making him crash into the Fenland Track.

"Hey, is this dress blue and black or white and gold?" Ted asked, holding up his phone which showed the dress. Bill and Ben both stared at it for a moment before coming up with an answer.

"It's blue and black!" Bill exclaimed.

"No, it's white and gold!" Ben yelled back.

"BLUE AND BLACK!" screamed Bill, and then rammed into his twin.

"WHITE AND GOLD!" Ben and Bill then started bashing into each other and arguing.

Noah sighed and face-palmed. "Why did you have to bring that up?" he sighed, shaking his head.

"We're going on a trip, in our favorite rocket ship, zooming through the sky!" Paxton began singing, and then a rocket ship literally fell out of nowhere and crushed him.

"Not that song again! It's so friggin' annoying, I swear it haunts my dreams," Henry shuddered.

Gordon and Spencer started singing old Irish songs, and Amy stared at them. "I'm a bit concerned over Sodor's current mental state..." she said.

Skarloey bounced up to her, his eyes lighting up. "Please tell me you're sane, too!" he asked hopefully, quickly adding, "I can't be the only one here who still has their sanity!"

"Nooo, in fact, I'm the sanest engine here and wish to never participate in any of the fun," Amy told him sarcastically.

Skarloey pouted, but then questioned, "Wait a minute, have you happen to take any of the coal from one of the coal hoppers?"

"No, but now that you mention it, I do need some coal..." Amy replied, racing over to the nearest coal hopper she could find.

"NOOOO!" Skarloey tried to push her away, but it was too late, as usual. Amy took on the Alaskan coal and gave Skarloey a weird look.

"What? Is this coal hopper like your own private one that no one else can use?" Amy questioned rather sharply.

Skarloey began to bawl. "My quest to find someone still sane like me is forever ruined!" he sobbed.

"It's not as bad as my situation! I am no longer the only special, awesome, splendid, bright red, vain engine on Sodor!" James also sobbed hysterically.

"Chill out, Jamie, I'm not _exactly_ 100% the same as you," Karina told him, and then her eyes got an insane look in them. "I WANT BLOOD!" she screamed in demonic tone.

Edward whimpered and slunk away to the nearest corner. "These new OC's are scaring me!" he whispered to Henry, who silently agreed.

"Well, I'm not scary, and neither is Amy...I think," said Thalia from where she was eating some cotton candy. Then a butterfly snatched it, but it then got eaten by a giant octopus.

Amy, who had been reading some classical literature, told Thalia, "Well, it all depends on your view of scary. Right now, I just joined Oliver's club of smart people!"

"More like Oliver's club of nerds!" teased Leila, snickering.

"You do know Edward is in that club, right?" Toby asked her flatly.

Leila gasped in horror. "I take back everything I said!" she squeaked. Then the octopus fell on top of her. Leila wheeshed in surprise. "AAH! GET IT OFF OF ME!"

"Sorry, no can do lady," Fatty said as he played on his new phone and ate some brownies, not paying attention to anything.

Amy looked at him in shock. "Sir! You're supposed to be greeting your new engines and being kind and helpful to them!" she exclaimed.

Emily sighed. "Honestly, get with the program. Fatty never greets his new engines. He's either too busy eating or going to the food stores and stealing all their food," she said.

"Emily!" Mavis scolded. "Don't be rude!"

Then Sir Robert arrived riding in Millie, who wasn't very happy. "Everyone, I have something very important to announce!" he shouted, climbing on top of Gordon, who didn't appreciate being stepped on.

"This isn't going to end well," Stephen sighed. "What?"

"I am secretly a pancake in disguise!" Sir Robert yelled out.

Everyone blinked at him for a few seconds and then they burst out laughing. Sir Robert Norway realized what he just said and turned as red as a tomato.

"Ha-ha! A pancake, that's a good one, Robert!" Gordon laughed, and then remembered he had to take his goods train of brownies to the Mainland. He raced forwards, completely forgetting Sir Robert was still standing on top of him...

Samson then pulled up with a flatbed of various zoo animals. "Fatty told me I had to bring these animal to Knapford," he grumbled.

"Aww, they are so cute!" Karina started playing with the rather dangerous wild animals while her driver started getting attacked by a crocodile. Once the crocodile had decided it had given enough injuries to the poor driver, it started whacking Karina's fireman with a baseball bat.

Charlie then puffed up. "Hey guys, wanna hear a joke?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he added, "What do you call a bird with no wings?

"NO ONE CARES!" Spencer bashed into him so hard Charlie went flying back 500,000 feet and crashed into a giant truckload of watermelons.

"I like corn," Leila started to nom on some colorful corn. Then her paintwork turned rainbow-colored.

"Oh dear, looks like you took on some BAD KOAL!" Duck gasped while flying around the whole station. He then fell into a volcano that Sir Robert had set up. Oliver prepared to go save him, but Ted stopped him.

"Stop! Wait a minute," he said, and then put on some sunglasses, also grabbing some popcorn and sitting down on a chair. "Okay, now you can go do whatever you were gonna do,"

Then Duncan raced by as fast as a speeding bullet, nothing more than a blur as he disappeared over a hill with his coaches that were filled with screaming passengers. Then he raced back without the coaches and instead was now dragging Luke behind him.

"That Alaskan coal works like a charm! I can go so fast I can finish all my jobs for the day in 6 minutes!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

"Duncan being cheerful? What has this world come to?!" Skarloey cried out in shock.

"It has become an epic island full of flying cookies and insane stuff!" Thalia replied cheerfully.

"BAD KOAL!" Duck screamed again, and then he got struck by lightning.


	15. Chapter 15 Needs a Name

"Hey Donald, where did you put that sandwich?" Douglas asked, scanning around at the picnic he and his twin were at in the Blue Mountain Quarry, where the narrow-gauge engines were currently attempting to find gold by nuking the whole quarry.

"Hey! We don't have our Scottish accents! That's politically incorrect! Curse you, author!" Donald glared at some camera that Mr. Percival was now holding up in front of him. But then Mr. Percival slipped on a jam sandwich and fell into a sink hole, creating a giant explosion.

"Well, you are very nice," Douglas replied flatly in a non-Sottish accent.

"Yo, steam kettles! Move out of the way!" Duncan shouted sharply as he pulled up with a flatbed of dynamite, preparing to blow up yet another area of the quarry. Douglas refused by using Morse code, so Duncan had to mutate into Godzilla and scare Donald and Douglas away himself.

Skarloey was (somehow) chained to the tracks and was singing sad blue songs to treat his boredom. "Oh why am I the only sane engine left on the island?" Skarloey complained as another piece of the quarry exploded, showering him with pebbles and rocks.

"Because you don't like tiramisu, that's why. How dare you! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Rheneas scolded him, and his driver did the shame sign at Skarloey. Then Duncan proceeded to blow up the area right near Skarloey, and the latter was blown up high into the sky and landed exactly on the turntable at Tidmouth Sheds.

"Ow..." Skarloey glanced at the Steam Team, who were all doing something to occupy themselves. Thomas was attempting to eat a granola bar, Henry was trying to take a nap, Percy was talking to Toby about wertyui's, James was stuffing himself with his year-supply of mints, Emily was reading a book, Gordon was watching a bunch of cupcakes that were dancing, and Edward was randomly screaming as loud as he could.

"Craziness...everywhere...I CAN'T TAKE IT!" Skarloey grew wings and flew way as fast as he could.

"Poor him, he was trying so hard to be sane and now he ruined it by growing wings. Wait a minute, we can fly?" Henry questioned, getting confused. Ted then smacked him in the face.

"Anything can happen in this world," Leila quickly teleported to Tidmouth Sheds and made a face before poofing away in a cloud of smoke.

"Oh no!" Gordon exclaimed as soon as the koala bear that had started attacking him had swam away. "Thomas is here! He can't speak, he takes up way too much spotlight!"

Thomas smiled evilly. "I WILL ALWAYS APPEAR, YOU GALLOPING SAUSAGE!" he screamed madly, and started blowing his whistle so loudly and high-pitched the dancing cupcakes exploded, making goo fly everywhere and all over James' mints.

"THOOOOOOOMAS! YOU RUINED MY MINTS! I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR FACE OFF AND GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR-" James began screaming a bunch of inapropro words that are far too extreme for a rated K+ story.

"Galloping sausages...that sounds really dirty," Edward shuddered at the thought. His driver also smacked him in the face.

"Stop thinking such dirty thoughts! Think of the children!"

* * *

In the meantime, Porter was yapping to Bill and Ben about camels and stuff like that. "So, basically, since you call me a camel so much, I've finally decided to accept my fate and share my deepest, darkest secret. I AM SECRETLY A CAMEL IN DISGUISE!" Porter shouted loudly enough that Cranky was awoken from his nap (wait a sec, since when does Cranky sleep?)

"Ha-ha! I knew it! The way you look...it all screams 'camel' to me," snickered Ben.

"At least you're not a food like Sir Robert. Who knew he was secretly a pancake in disguise?" Bill added in on the conversation.

"I know right? And he really proved it when he got run over by Gordon and was squashed flat like a pancake!" Porter said, and then a bunch of pipes were dropped onto him thanks to Cranky, who was now rather ticked off for some reason.

"AAH! THE SKY IS FALLING!" Porter raced forwards and crashed into Bill with so much force the yellow tank engine went flying into the ocean. "Oh no!" cried Porter dramatically. "He's going to drown!"

"No, I'm a submarine now!" Bill cackled, and grew one of those propeller thingies that submarines have and zoomed away. Ben looked on sadly.

"Dang, I should really get one of those," he mumbled, pouting.

"Look at mah seagull, ain't it awesome? I named him 'Seagull', which is like the best name evah," Cranky said in a hipster voice, showing off the seagull that was resting on his crane arm.

"I guess so. But why are you talking like that?" Ben asked innocently, putting on big puppy eyes

"Cuz I can," Cranky responded, making a derp face. Ben just sighed and then Fatty appeared out of nowhere and summoned a fireball which he threw at Cranky's pet seagull.

Percy was hanging out with his boyfriend-I mean _best friend, _Gator. "So, did you finally conquer your fear of heights?" asked Percy while slurping down some iced tea.

Gator sighed. "Unfortunately, I have tried many times, but no. Like one time when I tried to, I ended up falling off a cliff and my friend named Soap had to save me. And did I tell you the story where I crashed into a mountain because I thought I could fly?"

Percy grew wide with wonder. Literally.

Fatty then appeared, walking down the tracks with Dowager Hatt behind him. "Finally, I'm here! Do you know how long it took me to walk from here and those barrels of jam that are two feet away from us?" Fatty questioned, adding, "It took me 20 minutes!"

"Please, sir," groaned Gordon, who has seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "We get it, you walk slower than a sloth," he muttered, then disappeared in another cloud of smoke.

"How rude. Harrumph!" Fatty crossed his arms. Then his top hat burst into flames. "AAH!" he screamed and ran around in circles repeatedly before Dowager Hatt threw him into a well full of water.

"That was certainly interesting," said Gator, and looked at Percy. "Do you happen to know the story where I made my friend named Lop crash into a snowbank?" he asked.

"Nope. And geez, your railway has the weirdest names ever. Like 'Soap' and 'Lop' and even 'Floor'. Seriously, I feel really bad for that engine who's name is that," Percy commented.

"That's offensive! Oh wait, actually, I don't really care. I have to think of more stories to tell," Gator mused.

Salty hopped over. "Ahoy there! I would like to join in on your conversation!" he exclaimed in his pirate-y voice.

Porter steamed up next to him. "I like granola bars. And sand. And water," Porter told him flatly.

"That's nice. So I see that Diesel 10 hasn't told you about his wedding?" Salty said, glancing at them.

Percy did a spit-take, soaking Gator in iced tea. Porter nearly exploded with shock while Cranky broke again and fell into the sea.

"What? He didn't tell you? Diesel 10 is getting married to Pinchy!" Salty shouted at them, beginning to hop up and down again like a rabbit.

"What the fudge?!" yelled Gator, gaping.

"What a surprise..." Duncan muttered sarcastically, who had used his teleportation powers to arrive just in time to hear the news.

"I thought Pinchy was a guy..." Percy said quietly.


	16. Chapter 16 Just Missed April Fool's

Ben looked at his calendar. "Wow, we missed April Fool's Day." he said flatly while eating some pocky.

"Well, wouldn't it be better to celebrate it on April 4th? Because that's when no one expects it!" Duncan grinned evilly, looking at the flatbed of explosives that was in front of him.

"Yeah, Duncan has a point. I call pranking Percy!" James snickered and raced away to go find the supplies he would need.

"Well, won't this be lovely," Skarloey said sarcastically, who was still attempting to be the only sane engine on Sodor and had still not taken the Alaskan coal.

Rheneas sighed and looked at his long-time friend. "Give it up, old guy. Admit it, you can't resist all this randomness," Rheneas smirked and his driver held up a plate of the Alaskan coal to Skarloey's face.

"EEK! No, never! I will forever be the only sane engine left on this island! No one can corrupt me!" Skarloey squeaked in terror and puffed away as fast as he could and then smashed head on into a brick wall that appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey guys!" Charlie giggled annoyingly and went up to Gordon. "Happy late April Fools day! Did you know that I'm getting a new voice actor?"

"No, I didn't know that. And I've seen the wiki, so actually, I _do_ know you're not getting a new voice actor. Ha! Fail joke, that's what I say!" Gordon pushed Charlie into a lake full of hungry sharks.

"Hey Emily! Whatcha doing?" Rosie asked cheerfully as she chuffed over to the emerald tender engine who was reading 'The Blazing Star'.

"Just reading," Emily responded, not taking her eyes off the page. Rosie looked at the cover.

"Oh, I know that book! It was a good one, too. But River Ripple dies in it," Rosie told her sadly.

"WHAT?! NOOO!" Emily immediately stopped reading and began to cry, nearly flooding the whole station.

"Ha-ha! April Fool's Day!" Rosie laughed, nearly choking on the iced tea she had been drinking earlier (Apparently all the engines are getting drinks now).

Emily stopped crying and glared at her. "Well that was mean," she muttered, scowling at her friend.

Then Percy zoomed by screaming very loudly while pulling the mail train, which was on fire. "HELP ME!" Percy wailed as he raced by and disappeared. James pulled up and smirked evilly as Noah blew out the lit match in his hand.

Rosie looked at James and then back at Emily. "Oh, and that isn't mean?" she snorted.

Emily laughed nervously, lost for words. "He-he...uh...well it wasn't _that_ mean, right?"

The lavender tank engine sighed exasperatedly.

Edward rolled out of some bushes where he had been stalking-uh, _listening_ to the whole conversation. "Gee, Rosie, you seem rather tense and grouchy today. Normally you're all hyper and nice. Is it that time of-"

Before Edward could finish his sentence, Sidney somehow got a super-strength power, then picked up his engine and threw him in a pond, creating such a huge splash everyone got soaked. "No dirty thoughts today, Eddie!" Sidney scolded. Edward just made a hissing noise like a snake.

Trying to ignore what had just happened, Rosie then called out, "Hey Jamie! Why did you set Percy's mail train on fire? Doesn't that seem mean to you?"

"Well, _technically_, Noah set the mail train on fire, I just _planned_ it. Plus, it was just a tiny joke," James purred back, winking at her. Rosie spluttered and wheeshed steam everywhere in annoyance.

* * *

At the Blue Mountain Quarry, or what was left of the quarry, Sir Handel and Toby were watching Duncan jump up and down, compliment them, and scream out random things. "I'M A BANANA!" Duncan shouted, and started singing cheerful songs about glitter and unicorns while a bunch of kittens settled on his buffer beam.

"Okay, what did you do to the real Duncan?!" Sir Handel yelled at the yellow narrow-gauge engine. Duncan just giggled like a little girl and started looking around for flowers.

"Uh...maybe the Alaskan coal has some side effects?" suggested Toby. "We're all out of character now anyways,"

"I know that, but this is Duncan being nice and sweet we're talking about! Now that is just abnormal! Either someone corrupted him or some engine is _really_ horrible at impersonating him!" Sir Handel exclaimed.

"Whatcha both chit-chatting about? Oh, by the way, lovely paintwork Toby! Anyways, I don't know what you're both talking about, this _is_ me!" Duncan replied happily while continuing to bounce up and down in circles and singing 'Barbie Girl'.

Toby grew a hand and arm and then face-palmed. "Dude, that song is _so_ old." he grumbled.

"Maybe it's an April Fool's joke," Sir Handel somehow shrugged. "The world may never know."

Henry appeared with huge, sad, puppy-dog eyes. "Diesel burned down my forest. He is a meanie!" he whimpered. Then the ground sucked Henry in like quicksand, and the green engine disappeared. Luckily, no one was hurt...or so they say.

"I'm hungry," Duncan started eating a palm tree.

"Hey! That's _my_ reserved palm tree! Stop eating it!" Fatty flailed wildly and attempted to stop Duncan, but of course, Fatty was much too weak and fat to even get a good grip to pry him off.

Thomas started rolling around. "We should have a prank war. That would be epic!" he told Percy, who was pretending to be traumatized by James' earlier trick.

"He-he...no." Percy shuddered.

"And what ever happened to my wedding?" Diesel 10 whined.

"Uh...Pinchy ate your wedding cake so then it got cancelled!" Sir Robert Norway lied, and because of his fail attempt at lying, he smashed a pie in his face.

And then Mr. Percival exploded which created a bunch of colorful rainbows in the sky.


	17. Chapter 17

Samson was with Harvey and the two choo-choo trains were going around Sodor hiding random bicycle parts in bushes.

"And exactly what do you plan to accomplish by doing this?" Harvey asked, completely unaware of the whole point of doing it.

"Because this is life now." Samson grumbled, steaming ahead to find another house with a bicycle outside of it. Then, the door to one of the houses swung open and Lady Hatt appeared, holding a fork and an apple pie in her hands.

"Hey! Stop disturbing my party!" she shouted angrily. Harvey glanced at her confusingly.

"Wait a minute, since when does Fatty live around here?" he questioned, blinking.

Lady Hatt suddenly turned as red as a tomato and swallowed. "Oh...uh, we just moved here...today." she smiled sheepishly, looking embarrassed. Then she chucked the apple pie at Samson, running into the house and screaming, "You saw nothing!"

"Wow! Rood!" Samson huffed as the apple pie smashed into pieces and got all over him.

"You spelled rude wrong! Shame on you!" Harvey somehow found a track that was shaped as a circle and started spinning around.

* * *

"Hey, remember the time I got crate of tar smashed on me?" Percy was telling Gordon, who yawned and listened on boringly.

"Yes," he mumbled, and sighed nostalgically. "Those were good times. And now they can be better." Gordon grinned evilly.

He then rammed into Percy so hard the little green engine went flying and crashed into some trucks full of mayonnaise. Why the trucks were full of mayonnaise and near Tidmouth Sheds, the world may never know.

Percy made a face that any person would take one look at and start crying.

The trucks started cackling evilly like the maniacs they are. "On, on!" they started shouting, and poor Percy began to get pushed away.

"This is something James would do!" he screeched as he disappeared in the distance. Gordon just stood there with a silly grin on his face.

"I heard my name! Have no fear, James the splendidly awesome red engine is here!" James fell down from the sky and landed in front of Gordon, who was still making a derp face.

James grew a nonexistent hand and poked him. "Uh, did something happen?" he questioned, blinking in confusion.

"I like ponies." Gordon replied, not changing his expression and starting to drool.

James stared at him, and blinked twice. "Oh, the indignity," he moaned, and then proceeded to throw himself off the rails.

* * *

Mike, Bert, and Rex were all chilling with Toad and Bill and Ben while drinking some bubble tea.

"Guess what? I don't do drugs, I _am _drugs." giggled Ben.

"Uh...that's nice to know." Bert smiled sheepishly.

Toad sighed. "Don't we know it," he muttered, and looked at Mike, Rex, and Bert. "Don't mind Bill and Ben. They're always like this, ever since everyone got drugged on the Alaskan coal. Luckily, me and Skarloey have been smart enough not to have taken on the coal yet. But Skarloey is probably more sane than me."

"I see..." Mike mused, slurping down his bubble tea.

Then Sir Robert tumbled in, holding up a tray of vanilla fraps. "I got your frappucinnos from Starbucks! Fatty was smart to build a bunch of fast food restaurants on Sodor!" he exclaimed, setting down the tray and then started spazzing around like the crazy pancake he is.

"Yay! And with extra long straws as well!" Mike cheered as his driver set down the frap on his bufferbeam.

Edward promptly steamed in. "My dirty mind interprets that sentence in a very dirty way." he said in a monotone voice, and then poofed away.

"I'd rather not drink my frap now..." Rex slowly ran over his frappuccino.

"Weird, I wonder what's gotten into Eddie?" Toad questioned.

Bill and Ben glanced at each other. "We totally didn't corrupt him..." Ben flashed an innocent look and started whistling. Toad narrowed his eyes at him, but said nothing. Then he somehow rolled away.

"We didn't corrupt Edward, right?" Ben whispered to his twin.

Bill snorted. "Of course we did, you yellow twit. Remember?"

"Oh yeah." Ben responded flatly.

Then Mavis popped in with a bunch of balloons tied to her. "I can float!" she shouted eagerly, and then started floating. She floated higher and higher in the air until she disappeared from sight.

"That completely defies the laws of gravity and physics. But you know what, I don't even care anymore." Mike said, and continued slurping.

"MUAHAHAHA!" Sailor John bounced in on Skiff. "Hello, fellow steamies! My name is John, _Sailor_ John to be precise." he said proudly, whipping out some dynamite from his infinite supply of explosives.

"Can't we just call you John? I don't see why you need to add 'Sailor' to your name." Ben commented.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Sailor John roared, his eyes turning red. Then his hat burst into flames.

"What the fluff?!" squeaked Bert.

Skiff just stood there smiling creepily.

Sailor John grabbed his dynamite and lit the fuse with the flames that were flickering on his hat. Then he chucked the lit dynamite at Ben.

And this is why you shouldn't tick off Sailor John.


	18. Destructions & Deflations

Percy and his buddy Gator were roaming around the island, having nothing to do. "I'm bored." yawned Gator, and saw his crew playing the Charlie Charlie game.

"No. Just no," he said, and ran over the pencil and piece of paper. Gator's driver let out a loud sob and rolled around on the ground.

"Noooo!" he cried, curling up into a ball and rocking back and forth. "Charlie was just about to reply to my question!"

"You guys are stupid." sneered Cranky, who randomly popped into the scene for no apparent reason. The crane was wearing sunglasses and whacked Percy in the face wit his crane arm.

"How the fluff did you even get here?!" Percy shrieked, moving backwards to avoid getting hit again.

"Magic." Cranky replied in a gangster voice, then tipping over and crushing Percy into a flat scrap of metal.

Gator blinked. "I feel as if I should be sad, but I'm not. Probably because no one ever really dies here anyways." he said to himself, shrugging and slurping his iced coffee.

"Hey," Gordon rolled in. "You know, sometimes I question our insanity too much. Maybe I should hypnotize Fatty into putting regular coal back into the coal hoppers." he told Gator.

Thomas poofed in, screaming, "NOOOOOO!" and landing on top of Gordon, who was squashed as flat as a pancake. "How could you even think something like that?!" the blue tank engine screeched at him.

The squashed form of Gordon lifted up a wheel in protest. "Well, it was just a suggestion." Of course, this only earned him a smack from Bob.

* * *

Duncan was rolling around to the song 'Nasty Freestyle' while pulling a local passenger train. Fatty apparently wants all the children on board to get their minds scarred at such a young age.

"For the love of James, stop corrupting the children with your nasty explicit songs." Emily sighed, pulling up in front of him.

"Oh please, no one's innocent anymore on this island anyways." Duncan scoffed, snatching his headphones and then bouncing away.

* * *

"AAAAH! CHICKENPOX IS SCARIER THAN RAIN!" Henry screeched randomly, racing past James and Percy (who had magically reformed).

"Henry has found something that scares him more than rain? My little tree-hugging Henry has finally grown up," James sniffled, and then let out a dramatic sob. "But my life is a lie!" he wailed, and literally deflated.

Noah clambered out of his cab. "Hmm. I never knew my engine was secretly an air mattress. But they do say you learn something new everyday." he mused, grabbing an air pump from Percy and attempting to re-inflate James.

Percy's driver, David, walked over and patpatted James, who whimpered. "Tis okay, everyone's life is a lie now." he told him.

"Wait, what?" Percy looked at David with wide eyes. "My life is a lie?!" he squeaked in horror, and exploded into a billion pieces.

"GODAMMIT!" Noah yelled out, ripping out his hair and chucking the air pump aside. "Why are all the engines exploding, deflating, and getting crushed today?!"

"The world may never know." David said flatly, and then he grabbed some Elmer's glue from who-knows-where and started gluing Percy back together.

* * *

"Got the club going up, on a Tuesday!" Bill was on Vine, skimming through them with a nonexistent hand as his crew was doing the whip. Donald puffed up, watching vines as well...somehow.

"Ah yes, Vine has the dirtiest yet the most fabulous songs." Donald commented cheerily, but then frowned and glared at camera. "Hey author! What ever happened to my Scottish accent?!"

Bill sighed in exasperation. "Get used to it, or I shall use my Scottish translator on you." At the sudden idea, Bill giggled to himself mischievously.

Donald pouted. "That's jist pure techt!" he whined, and blinked at what he just said.

"What the hell what _that?!_" Ben came up and looked at Donald and Bill in confusion.

"I deduse that you are insane, Ben. I didn't hear anything, right Donald?" Bill lied, winking at Donald, who just hissed at him.

"Ye're naehin' but ay' no guid' meanie!" Donald snapped at him, growling like an angry bear and juddering.

Ben patted the author. "Aye, you're skills are improving." he said in approval, and then he started melting until he was nothing but a puddle of melted engine parts.

Bill gasped. "Hide the evidence!" he shouted, and his fireman grabbed a hose and sprayed Donald in the face because that's how everyone's minds work now. Then the ground underneath Donald collapsed and he fell 986264318345 miles down into a mine.

"How unfortunate. Now I have to cover up even more evidence!" Bill growled irritably as his crew began covering the hole with sand and dirt.

* * *

"Whoo-hoo!" Reg was in a bright mood and was spinning around in circles, flinging scrap metal and garbage everywhere.

"EEP!" Toby squealed like a little girl as a car zoomed past him, barley missing his face by a few inches. The car crashed overhead in the trees and burst into flames.

"I always knew Reg was way too dangerous for this island." Diesel muttered, scowling at the crane.

"Whaaat? I'm not dangerous!" Reg shouted cheerfully, lifting up a pick-up truck and then 'accidentally' throwing it in Diesel's direction.

"AAAH!" Diesel screamed in terror as he moved away and watched the truck slam into poor Henry, who has just been passing by. Diesel fled out of the scrapyards, yelling back, "You're out of your mind!"

Reg grinned creepily. "Aye, but that's what makes life fun!"

Toby glanced at the crushed Henry. "Holy shizzles. Fatty is gonna have to clean up a lot of huge messes today." he commented dryly.

"Yeah! Have you seen how many engines have been dragged here because they're now destroyed?!" Reg exclaimed, pointing to the deflated James, who was on top of a pile of scrap.

"My life is a lie." the red engine wailed quietly, while Noah worked furiously to pump his engine back up.

"Give it up, Noah. It's not gonna happen. Better to just let him inflate again later on." Duncan meowed flatly.

"Whoa whoa whoa, rewind!" Toby glanced at Duncan. "Did you just meow?"

"Yup. I'm a cat now. I think." Duncan told him, and meowed again before chuffing away and falling into an abyss.

Toby's driver pulled out a list and wrote down something. "And there goes another engine. I wanna see Fat Hatt's reaction when I show him this list." he said with a smirk.


	19. Gordon's Not-So-Good Plan

One not-so-lovely midday on Sodor, Fat Hatt was tearing up his house looking for his lost donut. "Where the fluff did I put it?!" he yelled in frustration. He whipped out a chainsaw and started to tear the walls apart.

Lady Hatt walked in and saw the destruction her husband was causing. "WHAT IN THE-?!" she dropped the plate of tea and crumb cake she had been holding, which shattered on the floor, catching Fatty's attention.

"GAAAH!" Fatty chucked the chainsaw at her, and Lady Hatt barley ducked in time as the chainsaw flew over her and crashed into the window, shattering it.

"You're insane!" she screeched, and frantically fled out the door.

Unbeknownst to the couple, Gordon had been watching the whole time from outside the house and was hiding under a willow tree. He smirked. "Haha! This is proof that this island must go back to its normal ways. I must go find my watch! Hypnotizing Fatty should do the trick. Too much chaos and indignity." he said to himself, not realizing that Thomas had been eavesdropping the whole time.

**"_WHAT?!"_** the blue tank engine shrieked at him, juddering in horror.

"Uh oh," muttered Gordon. "Flee the scene!"

And thanks to being the fastest engine on the Steam Team, Gordon cackled evilly and raced away faster than the speed of light.

Thomas hissed and attempted to race after him, but ended up not looking where he was going and crashed buffer-first into a tree. "Dammit! Bob, you were supposed to look out!" he screamed at his driver, who whimpered.

Thomas then saw Rocky, who was trying to cut down a tree. "Hey Rocky! Get over here _now_ before I tear you to pieces." he snarled. (if that is even possible.)

Rocky blinked. "Oh my, I don't want that. Have no fear, I'm here to I'll help you!" he somehow moved next to Thomas by himself and started lifting him back onto the tracks.

"Hurry up!" snapped Thomas. "I have to catch up to Gordon before he does something drastic that will ruin everything!"

James and Emily pulled up, with James eating yet another tube of toothpaste.

"Hiya homeslice!" James said cheerfully. "I just saw Gordon nearby in a rush, wonder what he's doing. Anyways, what happened?"

"Wait! You saw him? _Where in the hell is Gordon?!_ Gosh that stupid puta." Thomas growled, rolling around.

"Whoa, chill your axles, Thomas! What's the big rush to find Gordy anyways?" Emily asked.

Thomas began to spazz out like an insane brownie in desperation. "He's going to go hypnotize Fatty into putting back normal coal in the coal hoppers! That'll ruin everything! You have to go after him!" he pleaded to them.

"What?!" James spit out his toothpaste. "This is an emergency! Come on Emily, let's go after him! We'll probably drag along the whole Steam Team in the process, but whatevs." James sped off, Emily following closely behind.

Soon enough, nearly the whole Steam Team was in pursue of Gordon.

"Oooh! Epic chase scene!" Henry exclaimed as he joined in the chase. "Who are we going after? Diesel 10?!" he asked Toby excitedly.

"Nope, we're going after Gordon! And we better hurry before that blue galloping sausage manages to get Fatty to return everything to normal." Toby replied without any panic, unlike Percy, who was spinning around in circles.

"AAAAH!" the green tank engine screamed, freaking out. "Everyone, we must steal a jet engine and go at over five hundred miles per hour!"

Farmer Trotter trotted out of his tree house, accidentally falling down and landing right in front of Emily, who raced past him. The farmer gasped at the hoard of engines chuffing past.

"Edward, I have one question for you," he began.

"Yes...?" the blue tender engine blinked.

Farmer Trotter took a deep breath.

"WHAT ARE THOOOOOSE?!" he screeched, pointing to Edward's new set of wheels as the blue tender engine raced by.

Edward sighed exasperatedly. "Vine has taken over everyone's minds. Plus that is old by now." he muttered, and then somehow jumped off the tracks to run over Farmer Trotter. Then he hopped back onto the tracks and continued the chase.

"Everyone's being so mean today." Emily wailed, pouting.

"This is a life or death situation! There's no time to think about being nice or not! Our whole insanity-filled island will crumble down if Gordon manages to get someone to fill those coal hoppers with normal coal again!" Thomas shouted at her, not slowing down in his pursue.

Gordon was still all the way ahead, still laughing like some mad scientist. "I got the watch and you don't, haha!" he bragged. "You all will never catch up to me! Soon this island will have logic and everything will go back to normal!"

His driver popped his head out of Gordon's cab and gave him a 'wow-your-ignorance makes-me-laugh' look.

"You do realize that we can control where you go and things like that, and that me and the rest of your crew don't agree with this?" he deadpanned.

"Nonsense! We engines move ourselves, especially a grand one like me that will continue with my plan regardless of what you guys think! If you disagree, feel free to get out." Gordon told them with a smirk plastered onto his face.

His driver face-planted on Gordon's controls, while his fireman started rapidly scooping out all the coal in the blue tender engine's firebox.

"...Oh shit." Gordon mumbled as he started slowing down, and the rest of the Steam Team was quickly catching up.

"Haha! We did it!" Gordon's driver cheered and raced outside onto the field, doing the whip while the rest of the crew followed him and jammed on Bad Blood by Taylor Swift.

"Sike!" Gordon puffed away yet again at over six trillion miles per hour.

His crew stopped in between dancing to 'Nasty Freestyle' and stared at their runaway engine.

"Oh. Well then. Um...that's not good." his driver said quietly.

* * *

Gordon, being the speedy galloping sausage he is, arrived at Fatty's house. "Okay, gotta do this quick before Thomas and his little angry hoard of choo-choo trains come and attack me." he said to himself, and then stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh wait...I don't have my crew to use as my hands!" he cried.

Farmer Trotter flew over and waved his hand frantically. "I can do it for you!" he shouted, bouncing over and snatching the watch.

"WHYYY?!" Toad screeched from a siding, desperately trying to move and failing quite miserably. "You have betrayed us!"

Farmer Trotter ignored him and sashayed down to the entrance of Fatty's house.

"Yes! Of course, remember to give all the credit to me since I'm the one who got the idea." Gordon gloated, grinning widely.

The farmer knocked on the door, and Fatty opened it, stepping out onto the porch.

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

Farmer Trotter started to wave the watch back and forth in front of his face. "You will put normal coal back in the coal hoppers, and take out all the Alaskan coal out of every coal hopper on Sodor." he began in a monotone voice.

"AAAH NOOOO!" Thomas and the rest of the Steam Team arrived and screeched to a stop.

Gordon did a cliché evil villain laugh once again_._ "You're too late now, Thomas! This island will now be sane again once and for all!"


	20. Chapter 20

Thomas whimpered. "It's times like these I hate being a train that can only move on tracks."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Sir Robert Norramby came out and tackled Farmer Trotter onto the ground, screaming, "CAW CAW MOTHERFLUFFER!"

Fatty was brought out of his hypnotized state and blinked.

"Hey!" he yelled, snapping his head all the way around to look at the brawling Sir Robert and Farmer Trotter.

He squeaked. "W-Wait! Don't get any blood on my porch! Just look at the paint job!"

The fat man ran over to try and pry them apart, but ended up getting flung into a mud pit.

"Not my fine-looking suit! I paid five dollars for it!" he wailed.

"Crap, my plan screwed up bad." Gordon pouted and sulked away into a siding.

Sir Robert decided to finish the scuffle by chucking Farmer Trotter high into the air. The farmer disappeared into the distance and landed...somewhere.

"Sir Robert has saved us all!" Edward cheered, and everyone began cheering and chanting his name.

The Earl of Sodor bowed. "Why yes, this island and its engines must continue to be insane and random! And as the Earl, I'm making it sure it stays that way." he said proudly. He then added, "Though honestly, I think I should be reprimanding the author for getting my name wrong all these past chapters."

"Yes, yes! And we must celebrate...with mints!" James exclaimed, and mints, gum, and other mint-flavored candies started raining down. Of course, James' shrine for his mints also appeared in front of everyone.

"Owww." Toad muttered as he was hit with various peppermints.

Bill and Ben shoved James' shrine out of the way and their drivers began building another one for Sir Robert.

"C'mon, we need to honor our hero! We must shower him in confetti and pancakes!" Ben told James.

"And you just had to move my mint shrine to do that," James suppressed a hiss before adding, "But you have a point. Celebration time!"

Thomas locked up Gordon in a cell made out of cheese and jammed on 'Uma Therman' and a bunch of other currently popular songs the author didn't bother naming.

"Yush, yush, thank you, my fellow papayas." Sir Robert continued bowing in front of the engines, who tooted their whistles in unison.

Gordon continued sulking in his cage. "Can I come out now?"

"No," Thomas stuck out his tongue. "You have to be punished for your cruel actions."

"All I did was try to change the island back to normal! How can that be so bad?!" Gordon wailed.

Samson spoke up this time. "It is one of the most despicable crimes someone could commit on this island! And to be honest, Thomas was way too soft on you."

"Well, he's my old time friend, Samson, and probably a friend of yours too. What else was I supposed to do with him?" Thomas muttered.

"He deserves to be thrown into a volcano," Samson grumbled, and narrowed his eyes at Gordon. "I'll get you back one day."

"Oh god." Gordon gulped.

* * *

Duncan tapped Luke on the shoulder. "Hey," he began. "Did you know I can move mountains, and I can work a miracle? I'll keep you like an oath, may nothing but death do us part."

"Wut?" Luke blinked, very confused.

Then Mr. Percival came racing over and stomped on a cockroach with his huge shoe, but that said roach somehow survived and scurried away.

"You wanna screw wit me you cheeky cunt?!" the controller growled, chasing after it.

Rheneas puffed over to Luke. "Don't mind Duncan, he's just being weird," he told the little engine. "Either way, did you hear about what Sir Robert did? He saved us all from going back to normality!"

Skarloey sobbed in a corner. "It could've worked," he cried. "But nooo, Sir Robert just had to save the day! I didn't even know Gordon was sane, and now my dreams have been crushed."

Duke scoffed. "Gordon isn't sane, the only sane engine here on Sodor is, unfortunately, Skarloey the old dude."

Skarloey sniffled. "That is offensive."

"I'm hungry," Sir Handel chuffed over to Donald, who was at the quarry doing nothing discernibly useful and surprisingly not with his twin.

"Can I eat you?" he asked.

_"What?!"_ Donald shot Sir Handel a look as if the blue narrow-gauge engine was completely insane (which is actually true to some point), and then he slowly backed away.

"Don't be fazed by Sir Handel, Peter Sam just force-fed him lollipops earlier." Rheneas told Donald nonchalantly.

"Huehuehue, lollipops." Peter Sam giggled at Skarloey, who was not in a very good mood.

Skarloey growled. "Don't huehuehue me, Peter Sam. Do remember that I am your leader!"

"No, you're not." Peter Sam sniggered, and tumbled away.

* * *

Meanwhile, back with the Steam Team, they were still partying.

"Let's hope Diesel 10 doesn't destroy the party again like last time." Percy peeped to Emily.

"Um..." Emily glanced up. "I think it's Sailor John who we should be worried about."

Percy looked up, and saw Sailor John hanging down from the steamers and holding a muffin and dynamite in his hands.

"Geez, who you do you think you are, Michael Bay?" Percy muttered.

"Maybe I am," Sailor John smirked, taking a bite out of his muffin. "And now, it's time I blow up this party!

"Please don't," Emily deadpanned, "It'll only make us have to clean up an even bigger mess after all of this is over."

"Hm, well I suppose you're right." Sailor John shrugged and threw the dynamite away.

An explosion was heard in the distance. Emily sighed and decided to throw herself off the rails since she couldn't facepalm.

"Guess what?" Thomas tooted to Samson, who was now grumbling in a siding.

"What?"

"I'm blue da ba dee ba do dah-"

"Shut up."

"Humph, how rude." Thomas turned into a tumbleweed and rolled away.


	21. Why you always lying

"Pineapples are nice." Percy said to James while the two were hanging out at Brendam Docks because they had nothing better to do.

"Yup," James replied. "And so are bagels. Their fluffy."

"Not as fluffy as mashed potatoes."

"Correct."

Percy blinked. "Hm, I'm in the mood to ask stupid questions. You up for it?"

"Sure." James replied flatly.

"Does husk make gaggles?"

"Only on Saturdays."

"Do trucks make traggles?"

"The hell is a traggle?"

"Are you fluffy? If so, can I pet you?"

"No." James deadpanned.

Percy pouted. "Well then," he sniffed, but continued on, "Are horses blue?"

"Of course."

"Do apples eat pineapples?"

"No, because pineapples are the genetically mutated version of apples. "

"What color are you?"

"Red, of course!" James growled. "And if any stupid idiot tries to repaint such a splendid engine like _me_ awful colors again, I will personally curb stomp them in the heels."

"Okay den," Percy tried to think of another question. "Do fish get thirsty?"

"They live in water all the time, soooo no."

James paused. "Oh shoot, that was logic, wasn't it? Then yes, fish do get thirsty."

"What is a legit answer to a legit answer, which answered a legit question that answered a legit answer to another legit question that questioned an illegitimate answer?"

"Brownie."

"Wow. I think I just found the meaning of life." Percy said in awe, floating away.

* * *

"Hey!" Fatty trotted over to Lady Hatt. "Can I tell you the story of Sally?"

"Who?" Lady Hatt blinked, and then scowled. "Is Sally some women you're cheating on me with?!"

"What? No! Sally's a mat." Fatty explained.

"A mat...? As in those things you use to wipe your feet off?" His wife was now more confused than ever.

"No, no! It's an inside joke, you see. Sally is a rat with mallet hands." he told her.

"Um...alright, tell me the story of how this 'Sally' came to be." Lady Hatt said, sitting down on her chair.

"Mkay. Basically, when I was a young man, me and my friend were in the front ensemble of our school marching band. One day at practice, I accidentally dropped my mallets into a sewer. That's when my friend made up the story of Sally the mat!"

Lady Hatt was silent for a few moments before standing up and slowly walking away.

"Wait! Come back!" Fatty tried to go after her, but tripped on a piece of cardboard and fell flat on his face.

"Ow."

* * *

"I like the wind!" Skiff said to Henry, who was watching over a lemonade stand.

"I can see that." the green tender engine commented, and watched as the wind picked up and Skiff was blown away down the track.

"I'm dying!" Farmer M'Coll said dramatically, dragging himself across the ground. "Oooh, lemonade!" he crawled over.

"Ay, this is a little girl's lemonade stand and I won't let you steal it!" Henry hissed.

"Well too bad, you can't do anything about it!" he cackled and then snatched a glass of lemonade, chucking a quarter in the bin before scurrying away.

"How rude." Henry grumbled.

"Hi!" Charlie greeted cheerfully as he chuffed over.

Henry puffed.

And he huffed.

And he exploded.

* * *

The engines and other people gathered around for Henry's 'funeral'.

Thomas patted the tombstone that was apparently Henry's grave.

"Poor Henry. May he rest in peace." he said nonchalantly.

"Indeed. Such a shame that he's no longer with us." Edward added.

"...I'm still alive though..." Henry pouted from where he was located behind all the engines.

"Nope, nope, you're totally dead." Gordon sniffed.

"It's alright, Gordon's just in denial." Toby told Henry.

And then Gordon shoved the green engine into a bush, which somehow lead to a cliff.

Poor, poor Henry.

* * *

"Hey Percy, do you steal stuff from shops?" Duck asked him for no apparent reason.

"That's mean! So no." Percy peeped.

Then Sir Robert Norramby came out and started dancing. "_Why the fuck you lying, why you always lying, mmmm oh my god, stop fucking lying._"

"I'm not lying!" Percy whined.

"Yes, you are." Sir Robert pointed a finger at him and narrowed his eyes.

"No pointing fingers please!" squeaked Duck.

"Fine." Sir Robert un-pointed his finger and then he randomly started melting.

"I like fire." Duck piped in.

"That's awesome." Ben said flatly.

"Really?"

"No."

Duck choked on a pancake. "You're such a meanie!" he whined, and then Ryan came over and bashed his face in.

"MAI NAMZ RYUN!" Ryan said cheerfully to a crowd of children that had appeared. Then he started eating them.

"NOT THE CHILDREN!" Trevor broke into hysterics.

Duck stared at Ryan with a strange look.

"Alright, this is getting creepy." he said quietly, floating away.


	22. The Engines' Anger Issues

One casual morning on Sodor, Gordon was delivering the mail for Percy, who kept claiming to not be lying but no one believed him of course. Hence why Gordon was taking the mail train.

"Hullo, Gordon!" Stephen greeted, going slower than a snail. "How's your morning going so far?"

Gordon scowled. "It was going great until you got in the way. Move!"

"Hehe, that's not going to happen, dearie." Stephen grinned and went even slower.

"Don't call me that," Gordon growled, giving him a shove. "Now I really suggest you move the fuck out of my way before I run you over."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Gordon. What ever happened to 'respect your elders', hm?" Stephen replied calmly.

Gordon was running out of patience. "JUST MOVE!" he yelled.

"Now, Gordon, I know you have anger issues, but there's no need to raise your voice. Would you like a massage? That would surely calm you down." Stephen purred seductively.

Gordon spontaneously combusted.

* * *

"PAAAAAAAAAXTOOOOOOOON!" Diesel screeched to the clueless diesel from halfway across the Dieselworks.

"Yes?" Paxton asked cheerfully as he oiled over to the very peeved off Diesel.

"You ran over my sandwich!"

"Where did you get that idea?" Paxton blinked.

Diesel scowled. "I saw you run it over five minutes ago."

"Oh."

"Oh? _OH?!_" Diesel turned redder than a tomato. "DO YOU REALIZE HOW SPECIAL THAT SANDWICH WAS TO ME?! AND THAT YOU CRUELLY SQUASHED IT WITH YOUR FAT ASS WHEELS?!"

"..."

And then Diesel spontaneously combusted as well.

* * *

"IF I GOT LOCKED AWAY, AND WE LOST IT ALL TODAY, TELL ME HONESTLY, WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME THE SAME?!" Mike screamed.

"Oh my god, not this again." Bert retreated to Henry's Tunnel as Mike began singing 'Hotline Bling'.

"Huehuehue." giggled James, who's bright red paintwork was now shinier than the scales of an oil-covered silver fish. Now he really had something to brag about.

"MIKE!" Rex screamed. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOUR SINGING IS GOING TO MAKE MY LIVERS EXPLODE!"

Mike paused in his singing. "Wait, why do you have more than one liver? Or a better question, why do you even have a liver? You're supposed to just be a big hunk of metal."

Rex made some weird noise that was supposed to resemble a growl. "Just shut up."

"Nein." Mike hissed, and resumed his singing. "WHEN YOU TRY YOUR BEST BUT YOU DON'T SUCCEEEEED-"

"I cri." Bert sniffed and snuffed.

Hiro puffed by and blasted a high note on a trumpet right in Mike's face, because engines can _totally_ play instruments.

"WHEN YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT BUT NOT WHAT YOU NEEEEED!" Mike resumed his singing, seemingly unfazed by the noise.

Fatty then popped in, sitting on a swivel chair and chewing on a drumstick. "Bert! I need to ask you very important."

"What?" the little engine answered.

"Do you know where Porter is?" Fatty asked.

"He died." Bert wheeled away.

"Well now who's going to go pick up my delivery at Brendam Docks?!" Fatty complained, pulling out his nonexistent hair.

"Salty?" Ryan suggested.

"Nah, he's too strange for me." the controller replied, and then began spinning around in circles on the swivel chair.

* * *

"GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!" Douglas flew around on a swing.

He then spotted James up ahead, who was hanging off a bridge because James is just that clumsy and always has the strangest accidents.

"Hi James!" Douglas said cheerily as he puffed up to him.

"Die in a hole." James growled.

"So rude!" Douglas huffed and catapulted away.


	23. James the Meme

James was calmly meme-ing his way to some random place where yet another new engine had arrived.

Of course, this had sparked alarm in all the engines on Sodor because if Fatty had gotten another new engine, it meant that he was getting bored of his current ones.

Therefore, Thomas had said that they destroy this new engine to prevent Fatty from replacing all of them.

"I'm a meme," James kept repeating to himself on his way there. "I'm a _oh so splendid_ meme. I should go buy myself something at Walmeme."

The red engine arrived soon enough to the station while continuing to tell bad meme puns to himself.

"Look at this new engine!" Emily squealed excitedly.

James looked.

The new engine was, in fact, not actually an engine. It was a van. A white van. Named Daniel.

"Damn Daniel, back at it again with the white vans!" James exclaimed.

The whole island of Sodor proceeded to explode into a million pieces.

Just kidding.

"Not you, too!" Daniel groaned. "You have no idea how many times someone has said that to me! This is why I escaped my homeland and came to Sodor!"

"Damn...Daniel." James giggled.

"James, you're such a meme." Diesel rolled his eyes. "Anyways, we must get rid of this Daniel."

"Wait what-" Daniel blinked as the other engines began rolling towards him threateningly. "I never agreed to this!"

"Too bad. Thomas-senpai gave us an order to get rid of any new engines, and we must follow those orders." Oliver said in a demonic voice as he began to push Daniel towards a giant pit of bubbling lava that was there for no actual reason.

"Wait, you can't kill Daniel! He's such a splendid meme!" wailed Percy.

James crept up to Daniel, his eyes narrowed.

"There can only be one splendid meme engine on Sodor, and that engine, is _me!"_ he hissed.

Meanwhile, poor Daniel had no idea what the hell was going on.

"Um...what? What's a meme? And why am _I_ a meme?!" Daniel stuttered out, completely nonplussed.

"Because James turned you into a meme." Skiff cut in matter-of-factly.

"Daniel doesn't even know what a meme is," James' eyes turned to slits. "Dispose of him!"

"WAIT!" Another voice shouted.

Everyone stopped and looked at Phillip.

Diesel twitched. "Yes?"

"I gotta question!" Phillip began. "If Fatty only bought Alaskan _coal_, why are all the diesels insane?"

Crickets chirped.

And a major plot hole the author completely forgot about was revealed.

"Well...um..." Den tried to think of a solution. "Because we diesels don't like to feel left out...?"

"LIES!" Mr. Percival sprang up from wherever he had been hiding this whole time. "Fatty actually smashed the coal into a powder and put in all the diesel's oil!"

"..."

"I saw him do it myself." Mr. Percival added, adjusting his glasses.

"So...in a way, this whole time...we diesels have been running on...powdered coal?" Diesel 10 choked out.

"Pretty much."

"That doesn't even make any logical sense." Diesel 10 had an epic anime nosebleed.

"Hey, so, uh, what's a meme?" Daniel asked quietly.

All the engines looked at him, having almost forgotten about Daniel after Phillip's question.

"Well, I guess we still kill him." Oliver shrugged and shoved Daniel into the pit of lava.

"AND ONE DAY, HE'LL BE BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE WHITE VANS!" James shouted.

.

.

—

**a/n: **i have no idea what this is &amp; this is why you don't write new chapters at midnight


	24. Chapter 24

"Hey Thomas," Sir Topham Hatt called out softly to the blue tank engine.

Thomas looked in his direction. "Ye?"

"At night, I think of you." The fat man winked.

"I WANT, TO BE YOUR LADY BABY!" Percy shouted out of nowhere.

Thomas promptly threw himself off a cliff.

Rip.

—

"Did I ever mention that I'm allergic to carrots?" Duck was telling Salty.

Salty hissed. "I don't give a crap."

"Salty!" Duck exclaimed in shock. "Don't be so salty!"

"Yeah, and don't take Duck for _granite._" Sir Robert said as he held up a piece of granite.

"Ba dum tss." Porter got crushed by a drum set.

Dowager Hatt flew in and started throwing scones at everyone. "I sense negativity!" she narrowed her eyes at Salty and then whacked him with a towel. "NEGATIVITY BE GONE!"

"Hey, hey, that hurt!" Salty whined, pouting.

"Well, maybe you should be nicer to Duck!" Dowager Hatt karate-chopped a piece of wood. "He is a poor innocent soul!"

Gordon coughed. "Innocent?" he echoed in disbelief. "Duck is annoying as hell!"

Sir Topham Hatt's mother then karate -chopped Gordon as well.

"Panda panda panda!" Stanley squealed.

"I got broads in Atlanta." Phillip slipped on some sunglasses (secretly he was Phillip the thug).

"Huh?" questioned Luke.

Rheneas sighed. "You couldn't get the joke with that oblivious mind of yours."

Then he smirked.

"And you know what else you couldn't get?"

Luke blinked. "What?"

"MILLIE'S HEART!"

"OOOOH," Duncan screeched. "SHOTS FIRED!"

"GODDAMMIT RHENEAS!" Luke burst into tears.

"Ehehehe." Rheneas giggled evilly.

—

"Edward, I have a very important thing to tell you." Gordon rolled up to him, beginning to turn red.

"Uh...what is it?" Edward glanced at him nervously.

"I...love you."

"...Wait what seriously—"

"No." Gordon smirked. "Sike!"

He sped away.

"Um, okay." Poor Edward was left as confused as ever.

Yet again he was always confused.

Rip.

—

Some random kid hopped up to Percy.

"Look at my muffin!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"That's a cinnamon roll." Percy deadpanned.

The little kid began to cry.

"Percy!" Toby shrieked. "What did you do to that poor kid?!"

"Nothing!" Percy wailed. "I simply corrected him because he got the name of a pastry wrong!"

"Riiight." Toby narrowed his eyes and started rolling backwards, giving Percy a death glare.

And in the process he also accidentally ran over the kid.

Henry sighed. "And how many times has someone gotten run over in this story?

Thomas began to count.

"Around ten million times!" he concluded after five minutes.

"Beautiful." muttered Henry.

"Isn't it?" Thomas put on a wide and cheerful smile.

"..."

Thomas continued smiling.

"..."

His expression still didn't change.

"...oKAY THAT'S GETTING REALLY CREEPY!"

The blue tank engine pouted childishly. "Henry-kun's no fun!"

Henry huffed. "You're an idiot."

"Yee." Thomas smiled once more.

.

.

—

**update 12/18/16: alrightt so it's been about six months since i last updated this story, and i had long planned the next chapter to be the finale, but i've lost motivation to write for this fandom since i'm not really in it anymore. so, it's going to end here. i started this story back in 2014 and half these chapters were written by my strange 11/12 year old younger self but i'm glad some of you still got some laughs from this story. thank you all for reading x**


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